#27 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

“You were right, she’s jealous of me and Thando”, I whispered in Vanessa’s ear.
“I told you. She’s fake this girl”, said Vanessa. “I want you to go and snatch King Pin and dance with him. Even give him a lengthy kiss then give Nosipho a wink”

I laughed. “I’d have to drink to do that then blame it on alcohol”, I said.

When me and Vanessa hit the dance floor, we let loose. I quickly ran to the bathroom to pee because I’ve had a few glasses. On my way out, I bumped into Hakeem. He had champagne all over his head and shirt, and some on his pants. I could see his six pack, he looked so sexy.

“What happened to you?” I asked.
“Champagne showers”, he laughed. I stared at his dimple.
“You’re looking hot anyway”, it slipped. I paused and looked at him, he smiled at me.
“Thank you. I was heading upstairs to change”, he said.
“Okay”, I moved out of his way.
“Yoliswa”, he called me.
“Yes?” I replied.
“You’re also looking hot”, he said then ran upstairs. I felt butterflies in my tummy, let’s just blame alcohol.

I didn’t see Vanessa on the dance floor, I saw Puleng and Sihle, I asked them if they’ve seen Vanessa, they said she disappeared with some guy. I was worried, I went to look for her in the rooms upstairs but didn’t see her. I went to the back of the club and I was welcomed by the scent of marijuana. There she was, smoking with Tebogo and some random guy.

“I was looking all over for you, I was worried”, I said. She laughed and said, “You worry too much. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself”
She passed me a blunt.
“Here, lose yourself for once”, she said.
“No, thanks. I’m good”, I said.
“This stuff will make you better. Good is average”, the random guy said.
“Who are you anyway?” I asked him.
“He’s a friend of mine”, Vanessa replied.
“TJ”, the guy extended his hand for a handshake. I stared at his hand, reluctant. I eventually shook his hand.
“Yoliswa”, I introduced myself.
“Nice to meet you. Join us in heaven”, he said.
I shook my head. “See you inside, Vee”, I went inside.

Later Vanessa entered the club alone. I was seated, my mood shifted slightly, I wasn’t having fun no more.

“Hey friend who needs to learn to loosen up”, said Vanessa. She hugged me, “Why do I love you so much?” She was high. “Do you love me too?” She asked.
“Of course I do”, I replied.
“Really?” He asked again.
“You know that”, I said.
“Are you going to leave me?” She asked.
“No. Why are you asking me these questions?” I asked.
“Because people who say they love me always end up leaving me”, she said. Things just went deep, although she was high, she was saying things she buried deep down.
“I won’t”, I stroke her hair.
“You’re a nice kid. Really nice. But I don’t wish to have your heart. You’re soft”
“I think everyone has their soft side”
“Show me your hard side”
“I don’t want to force it, Vee. It will reveal itself”
“You’re too soft”
“Not really”
“Why didn’t you smoke that blunt?”
“Because I didn’t want to. Since when is smoking a blunt a representation of hardness?”
“It’s not. It’s just that, you’re too conscious. You need to loosen up. Look how you were freaking out when the detective was on your tail”
“Do you blame me? I don’t want to get on anyone’s bad side”
“That’s the problem. Fuck what everyone thinks”
“The difference between me and you is that I care”

Vanessa went silent then said, “I feel so good right now. Let’s go lose ourselves on the dance floor”. We ran to the dance floor. My eyes met with Hakeem’s, he smiled at me and continued dancing with Vixen.

“You two want each other. It’s all written in your faces”, Vanessa whispered in my ear.
“He’s my friend’s boyfriend”, I smiled.

We continued dancing. We went home at around 4am. We had another party at the apartment, we drank alcohol and blasted the music. We played drinking games. At one point during spin the bottle, Vanessa and Vixen gave each other a raunchy kiss. I was amused, I suddenly remembered our encounter. Is this girl straight?

The room started moving, I was drunk. I couldn’t keep my balance, I fell on the couch, so comfortably I closed my eyes and dosed off.

I relived the Jabu case in my dreams again.

I heard the back door shutting, I turned and it was Jabu.
“What are you doing here? You’re so obsessed with me”, I said.
“Bitch you’ve gotten away with a lot of shit. I don’t let a bitch walk all over me”, he said.
“Get lost you asshole”, I said. He grabbed me by my hair, pushed me and I fell. He grabbed me up, knocked me against the wall, he called me all types of names. He smacked me, chocked me and told me I was going to die a painful death. I cried, he overpowered me. I just heard two shots, he looked me in the eyes. His eyes were rolling back, I could feel his weight all over me. He fell to the ground, my dress had blood stains. Raymond came over to me, he was carrying a gun. Vanessa was fixing her dress and wearing her shoes.

“Are you okay?” Raymond hugged me. I didn’t know what to say. “That bastard deserved to die”, he said.
“My friend, are you okay?” Vanessa was worried.
“Yes”, I nodded.
“Let’s take you home”, said Raymond. He took off his jacket and he placed it on my shoulders. “I’ll deal with him”, said Raymond.

I went to Diamond Lounge or as we call it, Club Diamond. Vanessa was typing on a laptop.
“Good morning my friend”, she said.
“Is he dead?” I asked.
“Who are you talking about?” She asked.
“Jabu, is he dead?” I asked again.
“Oh, him. I don’t know”, she said.
“What do you mean you don’t know Vee?”
“Just like you, I don’t know”

I waited for Raymond for a couple of minutes. He finally arrived.
“You said it was urgent”, he said.
“I just wanted to ask you something”, I said.
“Okay, ask”, he said.
“Is he dead?”
“Yoliswa – ”
“Raymond please tell me”
“Yoliswa – ”
“Yes or no?”
“No”
“Where’s his body?”
“I think it’s better if you don’t know. Yesterday didn’t happen, okay?”

When I woke up, it was morning and I was on my bed.

#26: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

Vanessa gave me a naughty smile from across the room. She walked towards me with a tablet in hand.

“I heard you and King Pin went out for lunch”, she said.
“Yeah, we did”, I said.
“When are you guys making it official?” She asked. I was surprised she asked because she’s been pulling me in Hakeem’s direction but not much ever since Vixen got close with us.
“You know we’re just friends”, I said.
“I’m sure Nosipho is jealous of you guys. This is the man she once loved and found out he’s her cousin”, she said.
“I don’t care about that one”, I really didn’t care what she was feeling.
“Enough of this King Pin and Nosipho talk. I’ve got good news for you. Remember I suggested you meet up with a PI? Well, I was recommended this guy, he’s really good. His name is Jacob Peters, I have his contact details. You can contact him whenever you’re ready”, Vanessa gave me a piece of paper with the guy’s contact details.

I was so excited, it gave me so much hope.

“Thank you my friend”, I hugged her.
“That’s what friends are for, right?” She smiled at me. We got back to work.

On our long day from work, we ordered pizza. When we got to the apartment, Hakeem and Vixen were cuddling on the couch.

“Where’s everyone?” Asked Vanessa.
“They went out for dinner”, replied Vixen whose tongue was down Hakeem’s throat.
“That’s a pity. We brought pizza, indulge yourselves”, Vanessa was a bit annoyed.
“I need to take a shower and get dressed. I’m meeting Thando tonight”, I said.
“Are you guys going on a date?” Asked Vixen.
“Not really”, I said.
“You know what would be really cool? A double date”, said Vixen. I could see Hakeem’s eyes widen.
“That’s not quite a bad idea. How about tonight?” I asked. I knew Hakeem was uncomfortable with the idea but I knew he wasn’t going to turn down his excited girlfriend.
“I’m in. Babe, can we?” Vixen gave Hakeem the puppy eyes.
“Okay”, Hakeem under his breathe.

I called Thando and told him about the double date, he was an uncomfortable as Hakeem but he said yes. They don’t have a pleasant history, Hakeem is friends with the guy Thando hates and Hakeem isn’t much of a fan, Thando too. I just hope the double date ends with both of them walking out alive.

Dine With Me was the perfect place, Vanessa organised a table for us. We were to all meet at the club afterwards. Vanessa got ready like she was tagging along, when I asked where she was heading to, she said she’ll rather go to her male friends than stay behind with Puleng and Sihle. I thought, but you lived with them before me and Vixen moved in.

Me and Vixen took our time getting ready, when we were done, luckily Sihle and Puleng got home. Hakeem drove us to Dine With Me. Thando’s car was already parked outside. We were shown our table, he was drinking water. I couldn’t imagine how awkward it was for Hakeem and Thando, they didn’t shake hands, they nodded their heads. Me and Thando were seated opposite Vixen and Hakeem.

“You’re looking good”, Thando complimented me.
“Thank you. You too and you smell good”, I returned the compliment. “You know Vixen, right?” I asked him.
“Yeah, you mention her sometimes and I see her here and there at the club but we never really said a word to each other”, he smiled.
“It will all change tonight”, said Vixen.
“Yeah”, he smiled and drank his water.
“You two know each other but we won’t go there”, I pointed at Hakeem and Thando.
“We don’t want things to be more awkward than they are”, said Hakeem.
“How do you guys know each other?” Asked Vixen.
“Let’s change the subject”, I said.
“Did you guys date the same girl?” Vixen was letting this go.
“Babe chill”, Hakeem said this with a bit of annoyance.

It was awkward in the beginning but the conversation started to flow. I applaud Thando for putting their differences aside. They even discovered that they supported the same football team. After what turned out to be a great double date, we headed to the club. We even scheduled a second date, the boys wanted us to go bowling next time. I got in Thando’s car on the way to the club.

The club was really packed. Vanessa was dancing with Tebogo, I didn’t see Ishmael. I didn’t want to leave Thando alone so I danced with him. After some minutes, in walked Nosipho.

“You didn’t tell me she was coming”, I said.
“I knew how you’d react”, he said.
“You’ll have to excuse me”, I went to join Vanessa.

Nosipho gave me a nasty look when I walked past her. What’s wrong with her?

#25: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

The girls came back in the afternoon, they brought us lunch. Vanessa didn’t say a word to me, she was cold.

“Did Sihle tell you how drunk you were?” Asked Puleng. “You were so drunk. ‘I’m sorry for what happened. It didn’t have to go the way it did. I’m sorry'”, she imitated me.
“I don’t wanna hear about it again”, I said shyly.
“I wonder who were you talking about”, she said.
“Oh please, Puleng you heard what she said. She doesn’t wanna hear about it, change the damn subject”, Vanessa said angrily.
“Whoa. Sorry Yoliswa”, Puleng said to Vanessa.

“We’re turning up again, right?” Vixen asked.
“Of course”, said Vanessa. ” You need to control your drinking, Yoliswa. Drink like a lady, last night you were very unlady-like”, she said.
“Don’t conform to societal’s expectations of how a woman should act”, Sihle said to me.
“You didn’t have to carry her to her bed so shut up”, Vanessa told Sihle.
“Your friends did not you, you shut up”, said Sihle.
“I can’t deal with childish bitches”, Vanessa left.
“Yeah, walk away like you always do”, said Sihle.
“Guys, we had a great night last night, we don’t need this”, said Puleng. I stood up and went to Vanessa’s room.
“Great!” I heard Sihle exclaim.

Vanessa was lying on the bed.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“You can be such a fool sometimes”, she said.
“Don’t you think you insulted me enough?” I asked.
“Don’t you think you deserve it?” She asked.
“I was drunk. I had no control over myself”
“You need to learn control”
“I will, clearly”
“Don’t just say it – ”
“I don’t know what more you want from me. It was a mistake, okay? I’m sorry”
“You should be sorry. Last night I was so embarrassed by what you did. I was cringing, I had to ask myself if that was my friend lying on the floor crying because of alcohol. If I could take back yesterday, I would. I really would”
“I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I had a great night, it’s unfortunate that things had to end that way”
“I don’t wanna look at your face right now”
“Vanessa, I don’t know why you’re treating me like a disgusting thing – ”
“You disgusted me! The fact that you can sit here and act like you’re not ashamed and really sorry, disgusts me”
“I am sorry! – ”
“Don’t raise your voice – ”
“I don’t know what you want from me. I’ve already apologised to you and I’m going to apologise to the girls as well”
“Do you think they even care? I was the one who fucking took you to bed. They were laughing. Even Sihle who’s suddenly your lawyer, they laughed at you. They were on the floor. You were a laughing stock. And you want to apologise to them. Why?”
“Well, I didn’t know that happened. I guess not”
“I want what’s best for you. You know that. Those girls don’t care. Sihle doesn’t care, Puleng doesn’t care, even that bitch Vixen doesn’t care. I’m hard on you because I know you can do better. I know you more than those bitches. I have your back and I’d like to believe you have mine too. People will laugh with you but behind your back, they laugh at you like those bitches sitting there”
“I do have your back, 100% You know my secrets, I trust you. I apologise with my whole heart for what happened last night. I’m going to control my intake of alcohol. If it’s possible, I want to share a room with you”
“Apology accepted. Puleng can move in with Sihle and Vixen in that room. The bitch snores like crazy”

We hugged and squashed everything. Vanessa told the girls that I’m going to share a room with her and that Puleng will move into my old room with Sihle and Vixen. Puleng took it well, there was no arguing.

A month later.

Me, Vanessa and Vixen grew closer because we worked at the same time. Hakeem and his friends jokingly referred to us as Destiny’s Child, usually followed by which member is which girl.

I finally met up with the detective the past month and I feel a lot more relieved because it all passed. I have been busy in the club but I wanted to go back to looking for my mother. Vanessa suggested I meet up with a PI, she said she’ll accompany me.

The last time I spoke or seen Nosipho was at Martin’s party. We don’t speak like before because our conversations usually ended with me defending Vanessa. I couldn’t understand why she was obsessed with Vanessa when she’s not her favourite person.

Thando visited me at work, although I don’t speak with Nosipho anymore, I still maintain contact with him.

“Hey you”, he hugged me.
“What a surprise”, I smiled.
“I hope you haven’t had lunch”, he said.
“No, I haven’t”, I said.
“Let’s go to Jump Cafe, bruh”, he said.
“You’re not serious”, he looked him in the eye.
“I am. Why?” I asked.
“Is this a set up? You know Nosipho works there”, I said.
“You’re guys aren’t talking. Right now, you don’t exist in each other’s lives. Why is it hard to be at her workplace? You can ignore her the way you’re doing right now”, he said.
“What if she serves me? I have to speak to her. I can’t risk things”
“You girls are just full of drama. You and Nosipho were doing great before someone got into the picture”
“Who? Vanessa? She’s always been there for me”
“And Nosipho hasn’t?”
“No”
“Wow. Okay. We can go to any restaurant of your choice”
“Let’s go to Dine With Me”
“Cool. Meet you in my car”
“Okay, I’ll be there in 5 minutes”

We drove to Dine With Me.

“I should meet the owner of this restaurant. This place is sick”, said Thando.
“I know him, he’s friends with Vanessa”, I said. He gave me a grin.
“What?” I asked him.
“You know everyone now?” He asked.
“Not everyone, some people”, I said.
“Don’t mix with everyone. Look at Nosipho, she learnt her lesson”
“I’m not Nosipho”
“I’m just saying”
“I don’t want a lecture”
“Fine”
“Good”
“Are you mad at me now?”
“Yes”
“Okay”
“Very mad”
“I’m sorry. We’re in a beautiful restaurant, let’s not spoil it”
“You did not me”
“You gonna blow this thing up”
“Just shut up, Thando”
“Loosen the fuck up, bruh. What the hell?”
“You’re such an ass”
“I’m an ass”
“You are”
“Let’s lighten the mood”
“Whatever”
“You know I’ll stand up and dance in front of everyone if you carry on like this. Or stand on the table”
“You wouldn’t do that”
“I can”
“Don’t do it, you’re going to embarrass us”
“Us?”
“Yeah, you and me”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. Let’s talk about us”
“What about us?”
“I like the sound of us”
“We’ve talked about this and – ”
“It’s cool. Whatever makes you happy I’m happy”
“You’re so cheesy”
“Like a cheese spread?”
“Like a cheese spread”
“I’d like to spread something else”

Thando was really smooth, although he annoyed me sometimes, there was something about him I liked so much. I couldn’t quite figure out what.

He stuck out his tongue and wiggled it. He can be silly sometimes, we laughed at his silliness. I ended up having a good lunch out. He drove me to work, we planned to meet again in the evening.

#24: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

Vanessa ran to her two male friends, Ishmael and Tebogo. I recognised them, I wasn’t fully over that night when I saw Vanessa half naked and us kissing. Only to be told by her I was hallucinating. I went to sit down, catch my breathe a little bit. I saw Hakeem walking towards me smiling, Vixen was nowhere in sight.

“Hello there”, he sipped his beer.
“Hello”, I kept watching over his shoulder.
“Are you waiting or looking for someone?” He asked.
“No. How have you been?” I asked.
“Good. And you?”
“Good”
“Okay. You heard about the fight, right?”
“Yeah. I never thought you guys would ever fight”
“Why?”
“Because you guys seemed really close”
“Even close friends fight”
“I don’t know about that”
“Wait until that happens between you and Vanessa”
“That’s never happening”
“Is everything okay back at home?”
“Yep”
“Why are you distant?”
“I’m not distant”
“You are. It looks like your mind is elsewhere. You’re in a club, it’s your welcome home surprise party. Cheer up. Or am I boring you?”
“Not at all. I’m okay, tired but okay”
“Alright. Let me go to the toilet. It was nice talking to you”
“Cheers”
“Cheers”

Vanessa came over with Ishmael and Tebogo.
“Come, we’re taking shots”, she grabbed my hand to the bar.
In no time, we were taking shots. Vanessa quickly went to the toilet. I was tipsy.
“I need your help guys, work with me here”, I said.
“What’s up?” They asked.
“Remember the night we all partied together? Did I come home with you guys and Vanessa?” I asked.
They looked at each other. “You took a cab to your apartment”, said Ishmael.
“Was I extremely drunk?” I asked.
“You were really high”, said Tebogo.
“We were all high though”, Ishmael cut him.
“But she was higher”, Tebogo laughed.
I wasn’t getting anything from them. Vanessa ran to us.
“Let’s dance!” She shouted excitedly.

It was good to see Vixen dancing with the girls, Hakeem was sitting with his friends. I had a great time, when we went home I couldn’t barely walk. There was an argue between Vanessa and her male friends, they argued that she was too drunk to drive so they drove us home. Vanessa is very stubborn.

When we got to the apartment, we had our little party. We were all drunk, I caught a glimpse of Vixen flirting with the boys.

“Vixen come here!” I shouted. She fell on her way.
“I’m so smashed bruh”, she laughed.
“Look, I love you a lot. I don’t want to have any bad blood with you”, I said. I was drunk, saying things I shouldn’t be saying.
“I love you too. Every time I look at you I wish I was really close to you. I like the way you dress, you’re cool, you’re dope. You know? I might have been cold after you told Hakeem that I lived on the streets but right now it’s all good, you know? We’re the only Xhosa people here, we should have each other’s back all the time. I love you a lot”, she hugged me.

Afterwards Vanessa came over.
“My friend, you see this one? She’s a sneaky bitch. Look how she’s all over my boys. I feel sorry for Hakeem”, she said.
“She’s having fun”, I said.
“Will it be fun when she’s on her knees with my boys’ dicks in her mouth?” She asked with her eyes popped out.
“I have too many things to care about. I don’t care what she does with her life”, I wasn’t even interested.
“Your eyes should be on Hakeem while her eyes are on other men”, Vanessa gave a smirk. I just smiled and shook my head.

Alcohol was flowing, we played spin the bottle. I drank so much I blacked out. When I opened my eyes I was in bed, Sihle was drinking water.

“You were wasted last night my friend”, she laughed.
I sat up, “I have a terrible headache and my eyes are heavy”
“Have you seen yourself? You have to, your eyes are swollen”, she said.
“What?” I jumped from the bed and looked myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy.
“You were crying last night. You kept saying you’re sorry and that it wasn’t your fault that he had to go”, said Sihle. When she revealed this my eyes went wide.
“Was it linked with your ex?” She asked.
“Yes!” I nodded, “But I don’t wanna talk about. My break up still haunts me”, I added.
“No wonder you wanted to take things slow with Hakeem, poor thing. I’m here if you want to talk”, she said.
“Thank you, Sihle”, I faked a smile and quickly went out the room.

I went to look for Vanessa in her room but she wasn’t there. It was awkwardly silent around the apartment. Puleng and Vixen were nowhere to be seen.
“Where’s everyone?” I asked Sihle.
“They went out for breakfast”, she said.
“Okay. So when I was asking for forgiveness and crying, you and who were present?” I asked.
“Just me and Puleng then Vanessa came and took you to bed with the help of her male friends”, she said.
“Last night was fun. Let me go make coffee”, I wanted to beat myself for the lack of control. I should control my drinking, what if next time I spill the beans regarding Jabu’s murder? I wasn’t even sure if he was really dead, Vanessa says he’s dead but Raymond said he’s alive.

#23: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

At last, I arrived in Johannesburg the next day at 11am. I spread my arms and inhaled the Jozi air, I could taste the hustle. I saw someone who looks like Metaphor crossing the road, I just looked away. I took a cab to the apartment, on my way there I called Vanessa who was already at work. She said I should meet her at the club so we can have lunch at this new restaurant co-owned by her Italian friend, Frankie. The cab had to change direction, the driver was nice.

Minutes later, I arrived at Diamond Lounge. Vanessa ran and gave me a big hug, Vixen smiled at me, I smiled back. “Welcome back”, she said from across the room. Vanessa grabbed my hand and led me to the parking lot, she was so excited. She dangled keys in front of me.
“Look what Santa got me”, she said excitedly.
“Wow. Where did you get it from?” I asked, I was surprised.
“It’s not new. I got it from Frankie”, she smiled.
“Does Frankie give away Range Rovers to his friends? If yes, I want to be his friend!” I joked.
“Get in my friend. Make yourself comfortable”, she said. She dropped her keys, when she picked them up I noticed a new tattoo on her lower back. It looked like a wing, the tattoo looked huge.
“Wait, what’s that on your back?” I asked.
“What do you mean what’s this on my back? It’s a tattoo, silly”, she got into the car.
“It looks huge”, I was surprised.
“Either you go big or go home. Look at it”, she showed me. It was an eagle, it looked really nice.
“Nice”, I gushed. It wasn’t something I’d do but it was Vanessa so it was understandable.
“I was planning to surprise you. Did my surprise work?” She asked.
“Of course. Wow! It’s like I was gone for a year. Do you have a husband and kids?” I laughed.
“I though you’d never ask”, she giggled.

It was so good to be back. Well, at least to see her. She drove me to Frankie’s restaurant, it was called Dine With Me. She parked the car.
“What a name”, I sighed.
“I can’t wait for someone to ask where someone’s going and I reply, ‘to dine with me’ I can’t wait”, said Vanessa.
“And I hope I’m there to go, ‘I see what you did there'”, we laughed.

The restaurant was packed for a new restaurant. The food was really delicious. Vanessa drove me to the apartment and she drove away. Sihle was home, she was watching tv.

“I’m back”, I went to put my bags in my bedroom.
“Welcome back. Was that Vanessa?”, she asked.
“Yeah, she took me to this new restaurant. Wow! We should go there, no more Jump Cafe for us”, I said.
“How’s everyone at home?”
“My granny is okay now. My cousin’s kid was crying the night before I left. He was uncontrollable, we sent him to the hospital. It was awful”
“Shame man. Is he okay?”
“Yeah but we’re waiting for test results. What’s been happening here?”
“Rashidi and Hakeem got into this huge fight at the club and Rashidi got fired. Hakeem was just stopping Rashidi and Mbali, they were arguing. Close to blows”
“I heard. Is Rashidi okay upstairs?”
“I think he has anger issues. The club was upside down. I don’t think he’s getting his job anytime soon”
“How’s Hakeem?”
“He’s okay now, he had a blue eye”
“Poor Hakey”
“Hakey?”
“Hakeem”
“That was cute”
“Stop Sihle”
“It sucks that we didn’t hear from you when you were away”
“I did call”
“When?”
“I’m sorry. I always told Vanessa to send my greetings to you guys”
“It’s okay, maybe she forgot”
“Maybe”
“So what’s gonna happen between you and Vixen?”
“Why are you asking?”
“I’m sure Vanessa told you that she works at Club Diamond and she’s dating your crush”
“Correction. Hakeem isn’t my crush, he’s my friend plus I stopped by at Club Diamond and she looked happy to see me”
“If you say so”

I was really tired so I went straight to bed. I dreamt I was swimming in the swimming pool. I swam to the bottom and I felt someone body weight pushing me further below. I started panicking, when I finally got this person off of me, I noticed it was Jabu with his shot wound. I woke up gasping for air. I heard noise coming from the lounge, I walked like a zombie to the lounge.

“Hey sleepy head”, Puleng gave me a big hug.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost”, she said. I looked at Vanessa who signalled we go to her room.
“I’m just tired”, I smiled. I went to Vanessa’s bedroom.

“Have you heard from the detectives?” She asked.
“No, I haven’t. I had a bad dream and Jabu was in it. I’m really tired of this”, I whispered.
“And I’m not? Listen, you shouldn’t ruin things for us, okay?” Vanessa brushed my hair.
“I won’t”, I said meekly.
“We’re going out tonight. We’re going to dance like it’s our last night on Earth”, she smiled.

I wish I was as brave as Vanessa. We all dressed in black that night, Hakeem drove by to get Vixen. The rest of the girls travelled in Vanessa’s car.

I couldn’t wait to have fun and forget my problems. When we got to the club, everyone screamed, “Welcome back Yoliswa”. I was so surprised.
“Surprise!” Vanessa hugged me.
“You organised this?” I asked her teary eyed. “Yes, with the help of these ladies”, she said. They gave me a group hug.
In no time, we were on the dance floor and all eyes were on us. Vixen was giving Hakeem a lap dance in the corner.
“She hangs out with him a lot. It’s actually annoying”, Vanessa whispered to my ear.
“She must really be in love”, I said.
“What love? She’s starstruck”, said Vanessa. “She does it all the time. She left with him tonight, it’s really annoying”, she added.
“Leave them”, I said.
“I’m actually glad Hakeem got his ass beaten”, Vanessa laughed.
“How can you say that?” I giggled awkwardly. Vanessa just stick her tongue out and started dancing.

The club was packed!

#22: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

I took a taxi to where the picnic was. When I got there, only Lizzy and Ovayo were there.

“Where’s everyone?” I asked.
“They must have terrible hangovers wherever they are. Hello dear”, Lizzy got up and hugged me. “You weren’t sure you were coming but I’m glad you did”, she said.
“Can we eat already? I’m hungry”, Ovayo opened the tupperware.
“It was nice coming down to East London although what brought me here wasn’t that nice. Also meeting you, Lizzy”, I said.
“Likewise. We’ll meet again in Johannesburg don’t worry”, she said.
“When are you leaving?” Asked Ovayo.
“I want to leave tomorrow”, I said.
“You don’t seem sure”, said Lizzy. I was nervous going back to Johannesburg because of Jabu’s case, I didn’t want to go because of that.

After a few minutes, Aphelele and Tina arrived wearing sunglasses.

“I’m not taking my sunglasses off”, Aphelele poured juice immediately. We all looked at each other and laughed.
“Hello girls”, Tina greeted.
“Hello”, we all sang. I really needed to be in my friends’ company. We chatted and laughed. I made the decision that moment that I’m leaving the next day, I told them. They were happy to had me back for a few days but they were sad I had to leave. My friends from back home are different from my friends in Johannesburg. I don’t have to try hard for my friends in East London, I get to be myself fully.

I got home at 8pm, Aphiwe was crying uncontrollably. The table was messy, everything from medicine to food was on the table.

“He’s been crying for hours, I don’t know what’s wrong with him. His forehead isn’t hot, he’s okay but he’s just crying”, Asisipho was teary eyed. I could see she was defeated and had no fight left in her. I took Aphiwe from her and started rocking him as I walked around in circles.
“Maybe he’s affected by gogo’s health or there’s bad energies in the house”, she said. It seemed like a bad time to tell her I’m leaving tomorrow but I had to.
“Asisipho, I – “, my phone rang. “I have to take this”, I gave her Aphiwe and went outside.

“Hello”, it was a private number. This person didn’t say anything. “Who is this?” I asked. I just heard heavy breathing. “This isn’t funny, who are you? I don’t have time for stupid pranks”, I dropped the call. I went inside angrily.

Aphiwe was still crying. “It’s better I just go to the hospital”, said Asisipho.
“Let me call someone and ask what the problem might be”, I dialled Nosipho’s number. The phone rang for a long time before she picked up.
“Hello Yoli”, she said energetically.
“Hey. We have a problem here at home. I came home to my cousin’s 3 year old crying uncontrollably. She says he’s been crying for hours and his forehead isn’t even hot. Do you know what the problem might be? She wants to take him to the hospital. She thinks maybe the kid is affected by gogo’s health or there’s negative energies at home. I don’t know, Nosipho”
“That’s bad. It might be bad energies but she can go to the hospital. If she says everything seems okay, I’m afraid the nurses will give him panado or a shot”
“Okay, thank you”
“I hope the kid gets well soon”
“Me too. Alright, bye”
“Good night”

“Take him to the hospital”, I told Asisipho.
“I’ll call Vusani, he can take us to the hospital”, she reached for her phone. Okay, she has Vusani’s phone number now? I didn’t want to say anything because the situation was tense. My little brother entered the house.
“What’s going on?” He asked.
“We don’t know what’s going on but we’re taking him to the hospital”, I said.
“Did he hurt himself or what?” He asked again.
“Mbulelo, we don’t know”, I was getting annoyed.
“You’ll have to look after the house. Vusani will take us to the hospital”, said Asisipho.

Vusani got there as soon as he could. He drove us to the hospital, he was speeding the car. When we got to the hospital, Asisipho was immediately given attention by the nurses. They were directed to a ward. I was with Vusani in the waiting room. Vusani was pacing up and down.

“Sit down, you’re making me dizzy”, I said. He didn’t listen to me. “Sit down, Vusani”, I said firmly.
“Shut up!” He snapped at me. I was surprised and we didn’t say a word to one another. A nurse came to us, he ran to the nurse. I looked at him, why is he acting like he’s the baby daddy?
“The kid is alright. He’s sleeping right now”, the nurse said.
“What was wrong?” Me and Vusani asked at the same time.
“We didn’t find anything wrong but we took some tests and we believe the results will be back by the end of this week. We gave the kid medicine and injection”, the nurse said.

The nurse walked away. Asisipho walked to us, Vusani hugged her. “You’ll be okay”, he mumbled. I watched them hug for a very long time.
“Is he coming home with us?” I asked.
“Yeah”, Asisipho nodded. Asisipho hugged and kissed me on the cheek. She went to fetch Aphiwe, he was sleeping. Vusani offered to carry him, I carried his medicine.

Vusani dropped us at home, Asisipho stayed in the car because Vusani had something ‘important’ to discuss with her. I kept looking through the window, I put Aphiwe on the bed gently. Mbulelo went to bed immediately after we came home. Asisipho got into the house.

“That was long”, I said.
“Tell me about it”, she threw herself on the couch. “Now I have a headache. Don’t have a baby anytime soon”, she said. I smiled.
“I wanted to tell you something earlier”, I said.
“Yes?”
“Asisipho, I’m leaving for Johannesburg tomorrow”
“Okay”
“I really hope Aphiwe doesn’t give you any problems”
“Me too. I’ll let you know when I get the test results”
“I’d appreciate it”

The next day I took an early taxi to Johannesburg. I left some money behind for my family. I took at my notepad in the taxi and started writing:

For once my cousin who I thought was the strongest of us all, was weakened. If the strong can be that weak and vulnerable, what does it leave us weak people? When I watched her break, I had no choice but to be strong for her. Because all the times I have been weak, she has been strong for me and to have the roles reversed was something I have been waiting for. Not that I have been waiting for her to be on her weakest, I have been waiting to give back what I thought I would never give her which is emotional support. She’s such a strong young lady, I guess no matter how strong you are, there will be moments of weakness and those moments will make you stronger. I can’t wait to be in Johannesburg, hopefully I will channel my strong for the road that’s ahead.

#21: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

I didn’t feel like I was in control of my own body. I wanted someone to save me. It hurt me that I couldn’t speak to anyone else about Jabu’s death. I got out of the bathroom, I wanted to give Nosipho a call and pour my heart out but something told me not to.

I got dressed, my phone rang, it was Vanessa.
“Everything’s done. The interview wasn’t complicated at all. They asked me about you”, she said.
“What did they ask? What did you say?” I asked.
“Don’t worry, they asked how your relationship with Jabu was. I told them there wasn’t much of a relationship and that he was interested in you but you weren’t interested in him”, she said.
“Oh, okay”, I was relieved.
“You don’t have to worry about anything, be cool about it”
“How can I be cool when it replayed in my head when I was taking a bath? I remembered everything that happened that night”
“Don’t worry yourself”
“Raymond left us in this mess”
“Don’t even talk about him. He said he got rid of the body and – ”
“Did he? Did he really? How come he never mentioned what really happened? Like where the body is?”
“You won’t drop this? Can you please drop this?”
“I don’t like not knowing things. Don’t you think we would be at ease if we knew what he did to the body?”
“You mean you would be at ease? I really don’t care”
“Of course you don’t care, you were busy fucking him to even care”
“What?”
“I’m sorry Vanessa. This is stressing me. We’re visiting grandma in the afternoon and I’m not in the right mind frame”
“Cancel”
“I can’t. Maybe it’s the last time I get to see her before going to Jozi. I don’t know when the police will call me. Did they say they’ll call me today?”
“I don’t know. You worry too much, please don’t. Look, I got you. We will pass this together. We’ll have lunch someday and laugh about this”
“Hopefully”
“Come back to Jozi soon so I can work on your confidence”
“Don’t play like that”
“Really my friend. I have to go now, chat later”
“Okay, bye”
“Bye”

After that phone call, I felt a bit better. Vanessa is truly a good friend. I got a phone call from a number I didn’t know, I was hesitant to answer it because I thought it was the police.
“Hello”, I answered nervously.
“Yoliswa? This is Lizzy”, she said.
“Oh, yeah – hi Lizzy”
“I got your number from Ovayo. I have a picnic this afternoon, I was wondering if you wanted to come”
“I’m sorry, this afternoon I’m visiting my grandmother in hospital”
“Uhm…and after?”
“I don’t know. I’d love to come but I really don’t know”
“Save my number and call me when you decide to come”
“I will”
“Cheers”
“Bye”

I didn’t know about going to the picnic because I wasn’t in a mood to mingle.

In the afternoon we went to visit grandma, we bought her fruit. I never liked the hospital scent. It was busy, the nurses were moving up and down. We went to sit in the waiting room while Asisipho went to speak to the nurse. Asisipho’s son, Aphiwe was sitting on my lap. My younger brother, Mbulelo was busy on his phone.
“Do you think we’ll ever find mom?” Asked Mbulelo. This was the first time he mentioned mom ever since I returned. I don’t remember him showing any interest for a long time, he’s difficult to read because he doesn’t say much. I didn’t know how to answer him, thankfully Asisipho came and told us to follow her to where grandma sleeping. I didn’t answer him.
On the way to see grandma, the question Mbulelo asked was echoing in my head. We finally got to where grandma was, she was sitting up, that was good. I wanted to give her a tight hug but with all those tubes, I couldn’t.
“My children”, she smiled.
“We miss you gogo”, I said teary eyed.
“When are they discharging you?” Asked Asisipho.
“I feel better but you know these doctors. The food here is terrible, it’s like I’m eating cardboard”, she exaggerated. We laughed.
“Here granny, we bought you fruit. We know how you love fruit”, Asisipho placed the fruit basket next to her.

She told us crazy patients’ stories, they were so funny. She looked healthy. I got a phone call, I excused myself.

“Hello”, I answered.
“Am I speaking to Yoliswa?” This gentleman asked.
“Yes, who am I speaking to?” I asked.
“I’m the detective in charge of the Jabu case. I hear you were Jabu’s love interest. I want to ask you a few questions”
“You can ask me on the phone, sir”
“I prefer face-to-face. Where are you?”
“Not in Jozi, I’m in East London”
“When are you coming to Johannesburg?”
“Soon”
“And when exactly is soon?”
“Maybe in two or three days time”
“I’ll keep in contact”
“Okay – Sir, what will happen if I don’t show up?”
“Why would be the reason not to if you don’t have something to hide?”
“I don’t have something to hide, I was just asking”
“Okay then, let me hang up – enjoy your day”
“You too. Bye”

I was so nervous. I went to join my family, they were laughing out loud. I was so sour, I was ruining the happy vibes.

“Why the long face?” Asked gogo.
“I’m returning to Johannesburg tomorrow”, I said.
“What?” Asisipho was shocked.
“What seems to be the problem my child?” Asked gogo.
“I need to sort out some things and I also have to start work ASAP before they replace me”, I said.
“You left too soon. We haven’t had time to ourselves”, nagged Asisipho.
“It’s okay Asisipho, it’s not like it’s the last time we’re seeing Yoliswa. Go sort out whatever you need to sort out and start work my child”, said gogo. I was glad she showed support and she didn’t mention my mom – right now, she’s the least of my worries.

We stayed with gogo for a couple of hours until we left. On our way home, Asisipho didn’t talk much. She seemed so focused and in her own world, I didn’t want to disturb her. I knew it was because I was leaving tomorrow. When we got home, Asisipho still didn’t say anything.

“Are we going to act like we’re in our own world now?” I asked. Asisipho just looked at me and shook her head.
“What’s wrong? Is it because I’m leaving tomorrow?” I asked.
“When were you planning to tell me?” She asked.
“I also didn’t know I was leaving tomorrow, I got an important phone call”, I said.
“I was really happy to have you back. I was even planning what we’ll get up to the next week. I was so excited”, she said.
“We’ll spend quality time when I’m back”
“Yoliswa, you don’t understand”
“I do. I get that you’re mad but please understand that I have a life and there are things that I need to take care of in my life”
“Wow! And I don’t have a life?”
“I didn’t say you don’t have a life – ”
“Sounded like you did. Look here Yoliswa, you don’t have any idea how it feels to be a mother not only to my son but to your brother and look after gogo – ”
“Where is this coming from? I appreciate what you do. I might not get to experience what you do around here but I do understand how hard it is for you”
“I’m scared, Yoliswa. I’m scared that I’ll be caught up in the role of perfecting motherhood and not get to experience life in general”
“We all get scared, Asisipho. You’re doing a great job. I love and appreciate you”
“I just love you”
“I could never do what you do”
We hugged, we were so emotional.

Few minutes later, I got a phone call from Vanessa. I went to my bedroom.

“Hey Vee”, I said.
“I can’t wait to have you back, these bitches are boring the shit out of me. Vixen’s stories about her childhood are like bedtime stories. I really miss you”
“I miss you too my friend. I’ll be back soon, I’m leaving town tomorrow”
“What?! Really?”
“Yes!”
“I just want to scream. Wait, your granny is fine?”
“She looks healthy”
“That’s great. Wow! I can’t wait to tell the girls”
“I miss the girls. Please say hi to them for me”
“I will”
“So what’s happening in Jozi besides the case?”
“Well, drama and a lot of drama”
“What happened?”
“Nosipho’s puppet, Mbali and Rashidi got into a heated argument at the club and Hakeem tried breaking them apart and Rashidi punched him. A big fight broke out, now Rashidi is jobless. Martin is yet to appoint a new manager”
“That’s hectic. Is Hakeem okay?”
“Yes, he beat the shit out of Rashidi. I was mad at Rashidi the past few days, it was a good sight seeing his ass beat up like that”
“You’re something else I swear”
“Wait, you asked if Hakeem was okay? You really care”
“He’s my friend”
“Nosipho’s puppet isn’t your friend?”
“Don’t call her that. I asked because you said they got into a big fight”
“No, you asked because you care”
“I do, he’s my friend. Mbali is Nosipho’s friend – ”
“Nosipho is your friend – ”
“That’s not the point. Okay, how’s Mbali?”
“See? She’s fine”
“Happy?”
“My friend, Vixen is marking her territory. Hakeem came to the club the other day wearing matching colours with Vixen”
“That’s cheesy”
“Very cheesy! How’s King Pin?”
“Last time I checked, he’s alright”
“I can’t wait for you to return. Martin is hosting a dinner at his place in a couple of days. I don’t even have a date”
“I’m sure you’ll find someone”
“Yeah. I know you’re coming with King Pin”
“I don’t know”
“Don’t know if you’re coming with King Pin or if you’re attending?”
“Both”
“BOOOOO! You suck. Why are you like this?”
“Maybe when this Jabu case pass, everything will go back to normal”
“You’ll still on that tip? Come on my friend. You’ll end up depressing yourself”
“It’s not as easy as you make it seem”
“You worry yourself too much”
“You’re right”
“I’m always right”
“Don’t feel yourself too much”
“Allow me. I had a great chat with you. I have to attend a few clients my friend. I can’t wait to have you back”
“I can’t wait too”
“Goodbye my friend”
“Bye Vee”

I needed that phone call from Vanessa, after it I felt like a different person. I was more confident than before. I gave Lizzy a phone call regarding the picnic. She told me where it was and I got ready. I was in the mood to loosen up and also spend time with my friends before heading to the city of gold.

#20: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

We left the club at 2am. I saw Sanele again.

“You’re really not going to give me your number?” He asked.
“If that’s the only way to get you off my back, I will”, I said. I gave him my number.
“I’ll call you”, he said.
“Alright”, I said.
“Take care”, he left.

Lizzy was so drunk, she was vomiting on the side of the road. The club manager called a cab for us, Lizzy’s boyfriend drove her home in her car.

Me and my friends were singing in the cab like crazy people. The cab driver dropped us at my house. We knocked, we were so loud, we were laughing and doing all sorts of crazy stuff. Asisipho opened the door, she looked pissed.

“Do you know what time it is?” She asked.
We just laughed. We got in, my friends made themselves comfortable on the couches, their sleeping area.
“I was worried sick Yoliswa! I tried calling you but it kept going through voicemail. What is wrong with you? Do you know how worried I was?” Asisipho was really furious.
“I don’t want to talk about this tonight, I want to sleep. Let’s talk about it tomorrow”, I went to my bedroom. My feet hurt from dancing. I went to sleep.
In the morning I had a hangover, my head hurt like crazy. I had a glass of cold water, my friends were already gone. Asisipho was preparing something for her child.
“What you did this a.m was out of line”, she said.
“I’m sorry”, I said.
“You have to be. Why do you have a phone when you don’t even answer it? I was worried sick about you”, she said. “I’m really sorry, Asisipho”, I said.
“You better not do it again”
“It’s been a while since I had fun and I apologise for stressing you. My battery died”
“Yoliswa, it’s good for you to go out and have fun but you have to control yourself. You couldn’t even stand. Someone would’ve taken advantage of you, is this what happens in Johannesburg?”
“No!”
“I hope so”
“Yes, I’m telling the truth”
“I wouldn’t know. You know, if you’re lying then you’re lying to yourself”
“I’m not”
“We’re visiting gogo this afternoon”
“Okay”
“You’re going?”
“Of course”
“Okay, let me go feed this child”
“Asisipho – ”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for being the big sis I never had”
“Aaaw! Sweet. Although I want to strangle you sometimes, I love you very much. Thank you for being you”
“Cool”
“Let me go feed Aphiwe”

I received a phone call from Vanessa.

“Hello Vee”, I said.
“Don’t hello Vee me, why didn’t you pick up your phone last night?” She was angry.
“First Asisipho, now you. I was partying the night away. I went to a friend’s 21st birthday party. My battery died and – ”
“I don’t care about a stupid 21st you went to. The police were here last night, Yoliswa. They were questioning people about Jabu’s disappearance!”
“What? Oh my gosh! Did they question you?”
“Yes! I’m on my way to the police station for further questioning”
“Why?”
“His friends might have told them about me and you”
“No! So are you going to confess?”
“Are you mad? It’s not like I killed him or anything. And I’m not stupid enough to tell them I witnessed his death”
“What are you going to say?”
“I only knew him from the club. He was interested in you, we once partied together. That’s it!”
“Why do you have to include me?”
“His friends probably told the police. If they want to interview you, tell them that he was interested in you and you rejected him”
“Huh?”
“After you rejected him, he was bitter and mean. You don’t have to mention that night”
“I’m so shocked and confused. I don’t want to go to jail”
“Why would you go to jail? Chill. You need to really chill”
“I’m sweating”
“You’re horrible I swear. Are you even hearing what I’m saying? Chill damn it! You don’t need to give off suspicious vibes”
“This means I have to go down?”
“You don’t need to jump the gun. The police will call you, that’s when you need to come down”
“What if they ask if you called me?”
“Just say I didn’t. I’ll delete you from my call log just in case”
“What? This is some CSI shit. I watch that show all the time and people get caught”
“You should also delete my number from your call log. Be chilled about it, you don’t need to panic”
“What happened to the body?”
“I don’t know”
“I thought you said Raymond got rid of it!”
“That’s what he told me”
“You believe him?”
“I can’t discuss any further. I have to get going. Yoliswa, promise me you’ll be chilled? I’ll call Raymond now. Bye”
“Bye”

I’ve never been so scared in my life. I was shaking, Asisipho came to fetch something in the kitchen, she saw I was shaken.
“Are you alright?” She asked.
“Yeah, yes – let me go take a bath”, I said.
I went to lock myself in the bathroom. I ran the water, I watched the water fill the bathtub. I got in the bathtub and closed my eyes. I relived the day Jabu got killed.

I heard the back door shutting, I turned and it was Jabu.
“What are you doing here? You’re so obsessed with me”, I said.
“Bitch you’ve gotten away with a lot of shit. I don’t let a bitch walk all over me”, he said.
“Get lost you asshole”, I said. He grabbed me by my hair, pushed me and I fell. He grabbed me up, knocked me against the wall, he called me all types of names. He smacked me, chocked me and told me I was going to die a painful death. I cried, he overpowered me. I just heard two shots, he looked me in the eyes. His eyes were rolling back, I could feel his weight all over me. He fell to the ground, my dress had blood stains. Raymond came over to me, he was carrying a gun.

I opened my eyes and I was drowning. I quickly sat up, I was gasping for air.

#19: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

I decided to call Nosipho, my mood was ruined by that stupid guy by the name of Vusani. My first call didn’t go through, I called her again and she answered.

“Hi Yoliswa”, said Nosipho. I could hear people talking in the background.
“Hey girl, how are you?” I asked.
“I’m good and you?”
“I’m not good”
“What happened?”
“It’s my ex, he’s such an ass”
“What did he do?”
“We met this afternoon. I wanted to clarify things with him. It turned into this horrible altercation”
“Damn, are you okay though?”
“Yes, I don’t want anything to do with him”
“Good for you”
“This day was supposed to be great. I woke up in a good mood but it seems like it’s getting worse and worse”
“I’m sorry”
“Now I’m just crossing my fingers for my new job”
“What happened?”
“My roommate, she’s Hakeem’s girlfriend, she got hired. I’m scared she might be my replacement but Vanessa says I shouldn’t worry”
“Leaving the restaurant was a bad idea”
“You’re not helping out. I’m telling you I might lose my job”
“I share your pain but don’t you think it’s for the best?”
“Are you kidding me? That waitress job paid me peanuts”
“Yoliswa, I’ve warned you before, don’t hang with the wrong crowd”
“It’s just work, plus they’re really nice people”
“They’re crooks”
“Okay, Nosipho I don’t care. I’m tired of hearing you bash them every chance you get. I get it, you still hate them for what they did to you but I’m not you. I don’t hate them”
“Go ahead. Be good friends with them, you will see for yourself”
“They’re not even my friends, we have mutual friends”
“Whatever Yoliswa. But I’ll tell you ‘I told you so’ when they screw you over”
“Can we talk about something else?”
“Okay. How’s your family? Your grandmother?”
“Good. They’re good. How’s Thando?”
“He’s also good. Do you want to talk to him?”
“I don’t know”
“He wants to talk to you”
“Oh. Okay”

Thando got on the phone.
“Yoli girl, you good?” He asked.
“Hey Thando, yes I’m good”, I said.
“Just wanted to say hi. How are things at home?”
“Good. Everything’s fine”
“You don’t sound fine”
“I’m just irritated”
“Who irritated you?”
“Nosipho and my ex but I don’t want to talk about it”
“Nosipho? I’ll deal with her, don’t worry”
“Please deal with her for me”
“What did she say?”
“Can we not talk about it?”
“I’ll ask her anyway. Okay, let me get going. Do enjoy your day, beautiful”
“Thanks. You too. Say hi to the fam”
“Will do. Bye”
“Bye”

I was bored the whole day. Ovayo invited me to her friend’s 21st birthday party. I wasn’t going to decline. I picked an outfit for the night, I was happy I wasn’t going to spend the whole day at home.

Hours later, Ovayo came to fetch me. A Quantum minibus was waiting for us outside. The music was blasting, I told my cousin, Asisipho that I’m going to a party and I’ll come home late. Aphelele and Tina were in the Quantum minibus plus a group of unknowns. The time was around 5pm. There was alcohol but I made a decision to not drink because I wanted to be sober when I landed. My friends were taking shots except for Tina.

We got to the venue, it was packed outside. The 21st birthday was held in a community hall. The birthday girl ran towards us, she gave Ovayo a hug.
“This is Lizzy”, Ovayo introduced her to us. She seemed really sweet, she hugged us.
“Welcome guys”, she smiled. She led us to a VIP-esque area.
“You are the friend that went to Johannesburg?” She asked.
“Yep, that’s me”, I said.
“Are you back permanently?” She asked.
“No, I’ll go back sooner hopefully”, I said.
“I’m going to Johannesburg soon”, she said.
“Wow. Nice”, I smiled.
“There are so many people yet it’s so chilled”, said Ovayo.
“My mom invited the whole congregation. My big brother is playing Mr Bouncer at the door. I don’t know when everything will officially start. I can’t wait to go party”, said Lizzy.
“They’re hosting Lizzy at Club Venus tonight”, said Ovayo. It was really cool. I thought only celebrities and wealthy people were hosted in clubs.

After a few minutes, everything kicked off. It was like church in the beginning, understandable because there were church people there. She got lots of gifts and money. People were saying nice things about her, it was like a wedding almost. The hall was packed, I figured her parents were well respected people in the community.

We left for Club Venus at 8pm. There were still people in the hall. Lizzy had an outfit change. Her father bought her the latest BMW. We rode on her new car. I wondered where Ovayo met Lizzy, she was intriguing.

We jumped the queue, of course we won’t stand in the queue when we’re rolling with Lizzy. We went straight to the VIP section. I wasn’t new to the VIP section, I bragged to them how I’m always in the VIP section back in Johannesburg.

“When I hit Jozi, I want you to show me around. I want to go to every hot club”, said Lizzy.
“I will do that. I have friends who know club owners”, I was tipsy.
“Good! I’ll take you up on your offer”, she said.
“We can pinky promise right now”, I said.

We even pinky promised, it was a sealed deal. I wanted to get rid of all the weight on my shoulders, I wanted to get wasted.

We were dancing like there’s no tomorrow. I felt someone tap my shoulder, when I turned, I saw my high school ex boyfriend, Sanele.

“Yoliswa you’re looking good”, he complimented.
“Thank you, you look good too”, I said.
“Can I give you a hug? It’s been years”, he said.
“Of course”, I said. I gave him a hug.
“I can’t get over how beautiful you look. You’re so hot, I’m speechless”, he said.
“Thank you”, I said.
“Can I have your number? I want to talk to you, just catch up”
“Just catch up?”
“Yeah, is it wrong?”
“It’s not wrong but right now I’m so tipsy, I can’t think straight”
“I just need your number, it’s not like I’m asking for sex”

Tina dragged me.

“Yoliswa, don’t talk to him. He’s sneaky and you’re drunk”, she said.
“It’s all good, he just wanted my number”, I said.
“Don’t give him”, she said then walked away.

I went to dance with my friends, Sanele walked away. I was having a nice time!

#18: Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

I woke up in a really good mood. I was looking forward to meeting my friends and I wasn’t looking forward to meeting Vusani in the afternoon. I was already dressed even. My phone rang, it was Vanessa.

“Hello my beautiful sweet friend”, I answered.
“Someone’s in a bubbly mood today”, she said.
“I feel so free and happy”, I said.
“And that makes me happy. So will you be feeling like this when you meet your ex?” She asked.
“I’d rather not talk about that one, I’ll deal with him when the time comes”, I said.
“Aha!”
“Really. So how are you doing this beautiful sunny morning?”
“Not much sun in Jozi, more wind. But apart from that I’m good”
“Are you at work?”
“Yep. I need to tell you something, it slipped my mind last night”
“Is it good or bad?”
“I don’t know how you’ll take it”
“Shoot”
“Uhm. Okay. Uh – Rashidi hired Vixen, two girls left and there was a shortage”
“I still got my job?”
“I don’t see why he won’t hire you”
“Is Vixen replacing me?”
“I don’t know. Rashidi would never do you like that or me”
“You don’t know Rashidi. So he’s looking out for his boy?”
“Huh?”
“Vixen is Hakeem’s girlfriend, where does that leave me?”
“I’ll talk to him, chill. I told him why you’re home, he understood”
“Is he hiring?”
“He didn’t mention that to me”
“Did he mention hiring Vixen?”
“No but Yoliswa please chill”
“How do you expect me to chill? I left my waitress job for the club. I can’t be fired before I even started”
“Okay, you’re being delusional now. Who spoke about getting fired? Don’t jump to unnecessary conclusions. I got you”
“Can you send me Rashidi’s number?”
“I will. Look, everything is going to be fine. Continue being bubbly, don’t let this phone call ruin your mood. Okay?”
“Okay. Things are going to be fine, right?”
“Yes. Sihle has been complaining, she says you never called her ever since you left. She’s been whining like a baby”
“Sihle is the least of my worries now”
“You don’t have to worry about anything. I got you, trust me”
“I trust you”
“Good. Okay, Vixen just arrived. Awkward. I have to go, bye”
“Bye”

I had no problem with Vixen working in the club but I was scared she might be my replacement.

I got ready to go meet my friends, Aphelele, Tina and Ovayo. It’s been a while since I saw them, I was really excited. We were meeting at a park.

They were seating under a tree, when they saw me they all ran to me to give me a hug.

“We’ve missed you my friend”, said Ovayo, she had tears rolling down her face.
“Come on, don’t cry. I’ve missed you girls too”, I said.
“So how was Jozi?” Asked Aphelele.
“Where can I start? Jozi is Jozi. But what you see on tv is a bit exaggerated. I met awesome people and I loved every bit of it. The nightclub life is insane! We partied hard”, I narrated.
“Sounds like where I’d fit in well”, said Aphelele.
“It’s insane”, I smiled.
“Tell us more. Your friends, your experiences, everything”, said Tina.

I knew my curious friends wouldn’t let this one slide easily.

“I lived with Vanessa, Sihle, Puleng and Vixen. They’re amazing, we do everything together and we support each other on everything. There’s also Nosipho, she’s amazing. I rode on his cousin’s car, they’re both amazing people”, I said.
“Don’t you have spicy news? We don’t want to hear how amazing these people are”, said Ovayo.
“Well, I don’t have anything bad to say about them”, I said.
“There’s some things you’re not telling us but it’s okay. I want to go to Jozi for work”, said Aphelele.
“She’s been saying this”, said Tina.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes but I’m raising money to go there”, said Aphelele.

I wasn’t sure about her going to Johannesburg. I didn’t want people I know there, it would be really awkward.
I had fun with my girls, we talked and laughed our asses off. In the afternoon, I went to meet up with Vusani. He has already waiting for me in the restaurant.

“Hey”, he got up to hug me.
“Hey”, I sat down.
“I’m sorry about yesterday”, he apologised.
“It’s fine”, I said.
“Really, I shouldn’t have been there”, he said.
“It’s fine”, I kept assuring him.
“Cool”, there was awkward silence.
“When I was in Jozi, I heard that you were transferred to Jozi. It was hard to believe”
“No, just rumours”
“Knew it – ”
“I’d be lying if I said I’m over you, Yoliswa. I still love you and I’m still confused why you broke up with me. I never did anything wrong. I would’ve supported you 100% on your decision to go to Johannesburg, you shouldn’t have broken up with me”
“Vusani, I don’t know how I can explain this but I don’t have feelings for you no more. I broke up with you because I couldn’t feel that spark”
“Why didn’t you let me know? I now feel stupid”
“I’m sorry for not letting you know then”
“To think I quit my job because… It’s not on”
“Continue. You quit your job because of what?”
“Let’s just drop it”
“No Vusani, tell me”
“It doesn’t matter anyway”
“Vusani, tell me!”
“Because of… Ugh!”
“Please”
“You want to know why?”
“Yes, tell me”
“Because of you”
“Me?”
“Yes! You! After you left I was depressed. I wanted to give up on life. Have you ever loved someone that much? I don’t think so. Do you even know what love is?”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I do know what love is”
“What is love?”
“Love is unexplainable”
“Bullshit! You don’t know what it is”
“I’m sorry, Vusani”
“No girl has ever hurt me like you did”
“I don’t know what you want me to do. I know saying sorry won’t reverse what happened. Can we not talk about this?”
“And talk about what?”
“Anything but this”
“You’re guilty”
“Arrest me. Don’t do this to me”
“Do what exactly Yoliswa?”
“My grandmother is fighting for her life in hospital, I’m already stressed, don’t do this to me”
“How dare you use your grandmother to worm out of this? You played with my feelings. I feel played. After all I did for you and your family?”
“You’re not superman or this hero you’re trying to paint here Vusani. Shit happens, deal with it”
“Deal with it? That’s what you’re saying to me? You have no remorse at all”
“It’s not like that Vusani. Look, I woke up on the right side of the bed. I won’t let your emotional blackmail or whatever it is, try and rob me off my happiness. I’m sorry, I don’t know what you want me to do. I can pay you back every cent you used on me and my family”
“I don’t need your money”
“Okay then”
“If you were in my shoes how would you react if you heard the things coming out your mouth?”
“I would get over it”
“There you go again!”
“What? It’s over! It happened, get over it. I’ve never seen a guy take a break up the way you’re doing. It’s ridiculous! Get over yourself. You want me to be mean now?”
“You know what Yoliswa? Fuck you. I don’t want anything to do with you. I wish I can tell those friends of yours who transported you here how horrible you are. I’m sure you’re using them too. You’re beautiful on the outside but you’re a snake on the inside”
“This is childish. I’m leaving. Have a nice life Vusani. I don’t know who you are anymore”
“I got bitten by you bitch. These are the after effects you venomous bitch”
“I was going to say you and Asisipho deserve each other but my cousin doesn’t deserve you. Stay away from my house. I swear Vusani, if I see your petty ass there again, I’m calling the police”
“I want nothing to do with your family. I’m not even touching Asisipho, I’m sure the venom runs in the family”
“You’re stupid”
“Makes sense why your mother left. She doesn’t want to associate herself with such an evil family like yours”
“Don’t talk about my mother, you don’t know her!”
“You don’t know her either! Give up. You’ll never find her. She probably has a new family. She forgot about you and your family. If she really loved you, she wouldn’t have left”
“God bless your soul Vusani”

I left the restaurant angry. A man never disrespected me the way Vusani did. I wanted nothing to do with him. I rushed home where I told Asisipho everything, she wanted to knock out his teeth. I told her he’s not worth it.

Men like Vusani are the reason women think men are dogs.