#37 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

I was lost in my own world, I forgot I was sitting, waiting for an interview. In no time, it was my turn. I walked to Hakeem’s office, closed the door and took a seat.

“You even sat before I could say sit”, he said.
“Do you want me to stand up?” I asked.
“Yes”, he said nonchalantly. I thought he was joking, then realised he wasn’t. I stood up.
“You may take a seat”, he smiled.
“Do I have to remain silent until you tell me to talk?” I asked.
“Are you trying to be funny? Is this a joke to you?”
“Not at all, I -”
“Shut up! I’m your boss, I deserve to be treated with respect, do you understand?”
“Yes”
“Good. Tell me about yourself”
“What do you want to know?”
“I said tell me about yourself, you have 5 minutes to sell yourself”
“I’m originally from East London. I was raised by my grandmother, I have a younger brother, cousin -”
“You’re boring me. Tell me about your abilities, education and your role model”
“I’m a fast learner, I’m computer literate, creative, I have good people skills, I can work efficiently with a group, I have matric, I passed with a Bachelor’s Degree and my role model is my grandmother. She inspires me to be a better person, we grew up without much but she made us feel like we had everything. Her love filled the house, it made it warm -”
“Thank you. Tell me about what job you would like”
“I’d like to be an admin”
“Hmm. Everyone wants to be an admin, why should you be one?”
“Because I believe I have the necessary skills to be one”
“What necessary skills?”
“I’m creative -”
“Everyone is creative”
“You didn’t let me finish”
“Go on”
“And the club won’t spend much money paying for outside people to make posters”
“Money isn’t a problem”
“But it still needs to be saved. I can teach the girls”
“How do you know they’re not good with computers like you or even better than you?”
“I work with these girls everyday. They always come to me for help”
“Your 5 minutes is almost up. Any final words?”
“If you make me one of the admins, I promise to work my butt off. I will utilise my skills to -”
“Time’s up. Call the next person”
“Just like that?”
“Time’s up”
“Okay, have a nice day”
“You too, Yoliswa”

I left Hakeem’s office feeling uncertain, Vanessa was the next person up, I wished her luck. My head was spinning. The thought of Jabu’s body coming back to haunt me, I thought I passed that stage. I went to the bathroom to vomit. I locked myself in one of the stalls and cried. I heard voices, I kept quiet.

“Vanessa says this works and she tried it on someone”, I heard a girl talking to another. I couldn’t quite figure who, I don’t know everyone to the point of distinguishing their voices.
“She’s gonna make big bucks with these babies”, one girl added. They were in the bathroom for a few minutes then left, I waited a few minutes then left too.

5 hours later.

Everyone was waiting for the results, Hakeem said he will put up the results on the wall. The girls nervously waited for the results. Hakeem put up the results and everyone ran to check their names. I waited for the region to clear up. Vanessa came back saying she got the admin job, Vixen too. Well, Vixen only got that job because she’s Hakeem’s girlfriend. I went to check my name and I got the bartender job, I couldn’t believe my eyes, not even maintenance. Hakeem went to join us, they clapped for him, I just folded my arms.

“As you can see, there are a few guys with us. They work here now. I will call the names of those in charge of these respective jobs. Steven you’re in charge of the admins, Jason you’re in charge of maintenance and Robbie you’re in charge of the bartenders”, he said.

We looked at each other.

“How is this possible?” I looked at Vanessa in astonished.
“Yoliswa, you look like you have something to say”, said Hakeem.
“No, I don’t”, I said.
“Come on, stand up. Share what you just said to Vanessa”, he said.
“Well, I said how is this possible”, I said.
“What?” He asked.
“That people we don’t even know are in charge”, I said.
“Who’s the boss here?” He asked.
“Martin”, Vanessa stood up.
“Where is he?” He asked.
“Obviously not here because he put you in charge”, said Vanessa.
“Yes, I’m in charge. I’m the boss around here. I make the decisions. I appointed you and I can fire you”, he said boasted. Vanessa sat down with a smirk, I sat down.
“Did I tell you to sit down?” He asked me.
“No”, I said.
“Remain standing”, he said. He continued talking to everyone, while I stood up. I felt controlled and humiliated. I don’t know what I did to this man. He finally dismissed everyone, he said everyone can go home, the time was 14:00. He still demanded me to remain on that same spot, Vanessa got out and came back again.

“Are you enjoying this power? Is this a power trip?” She asked Hakeem.
“This has nothing to do with power but everything to do with respect”, he said.
“What bad did she do to deserve this humiliation? Why are you being mean to her? She used to be your friend”, said Vanessa.
“Is this supposed to make me guilty? People now know not to mess with me. People will look at her and say, I don’t want to be in her position therefore, I won’t do anything that will put me in that position”, he said.
“Being with someone else is disrespectful to you?” I finally found my voice. “I watched you every night dancing with her, your eyes always fixed to mine. Even when I wasn’t watching I felt you looking at me. I liked it, I know you did to. The thought of someone liking you from a distance yet intimate every time our eyes locked. Now I like someone else, you can’t bare the thought of me liking someone else because I won’t look at you the same way. Now I’m disrespectful because I chose someone else. You can call me a gold digger, a bitch and every word there is to make me feel small, I don’t care”, I cried.

Hakeem didn’t say anything, he just left. Vanessa comforted me. I called Walter and told him, I plan on having lunch with him, he was happy to hear that. Vanessa took a cab home, I called Madala. Walter said he’s heading to La Concuna, Madala drove there. When I got there, no one but Walter was there. I smiled.

#36 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

We woke up early in the morning, I didn’t have much sleep. I don’t think anyone did. Everyone was looking at their reflection in the mirror, busy doing make-up. There was silence, I was thinking about the argument I had with Sihle and the interview. Vanessa asked Puleng if she doesn’t mind that I switch beds with her, she kindly no. She moved her stuff to Sihle’s bedroom. I told her that I will take her out for lunch one of these days.

My phone rang, it was Walter.

“Hello”, I smiled like a fool.
“Good morning my sweetheart. Did you sleep well?” He asked.
“Yes, and you?” I only slept for a few hours, totally not good.
“I slept like a baby. Are you free later today?”
“Uhm … I really don’t know”
“You don’t know? Please call me when you have an idea. Would you like transport for work?”
“I would love it”
“I will alert my driver. What time?”
“We have to be at work at 7am. Maybe 6:45. It’s me and my friends”
“Okay, I’ll tell my driver. Have a nice day, sweetheart”
“You too”

“Walter’s driver will drive us to work girls”, I said cheerfully.
“But we take my car to work”, said Vanessa.
“I know but it’s not every day that we have a chauffeur”, I said.
“Yoliswa is right”, Vixen backed me up.
“I guess so”, Vanessa shrugged and carried on applying make-up.
“I want the girls to see us when we pull up in a very expensive looking car”, I said. I caught Vanessa wrinkling her eyebrows. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I just feel like you’re overreacting. I have a beautiful, expensive car too and the reaction we’ll get won’t be any different from the one we always get when I pull up”, she said. Sihle giggled.
“Can I help you?” I asked Sihle.
“Yeah, how about you calm down? Have you never travelled in a car before?” She shook her head.
“I have, better cars than you’ll ever be in”, I said.
“When will you be in your own car?” She asked.
“Soon”, I went to the kitchen.
“Oh, so he promised you a car in return to getting his old dick sucked by a young beautiful girl?” She asked.
“What part of your body hurts? Why are you being mean to me?”
“You’re not the victim, Yoliswa! You also said some mean things to me”
“All because I didn’t listen to your advice? Grow up!”
“It’s more than that, you’re turning into someone I don’t like”
“If you have a problem with who I am now, chances are you always had a problem with me but you’re just a good actress”
“Stop trying to be someone you’re not”
“It’s funny how you know me more than I know myself. It’s really funny!”
“You’re such a mini Vanessa!”
“Oh shut up, Michelle Williams!”
“You can call me Michelle all you want, Yoliswa. You’re not even the Beyonce of your friends”
“Shut up, Michelle!”
“Is that supposed to hurt my feelings? Okay, I’m really hurt that you called me Michelle. Are you happy now?”
“I’ll be happy when you leave this apartment for good”
“I lived here before you. I think you should leave this apartment, go live with your sugar daddy”
“Give me your father’s number instead”
“All this time you’ve been hiding your thirst for older men and you think I’m crazy when I say you’re trying hard to be someone you’re not”

“Okay you two, we’ve heard enough”, Vanessa said angrily. “How old are we? Really, how old are we? I have a headache, I’m not in a good mood, I slept for 3 hours and it’s early in the morning. Are you, friends and roommates seriously fighting because of a man? Sihle, it’s not you to run your mouth like that. You’re for women, you always preach togetherness. Yoliswa, you need to seriously calm down. Don’t act like he’s your first boyfriend”, Vanessa gave us a mouthful.

There was silence, we heard a car horn. We got out, me, Vanessa and Vixen. I had a feeling my day wasn’t going to go well. The ride to the club was really silent. I caught glimpse of Madala looking at me.

“I see you girls are not morning people”, said Madala.
“Horrible morning”, I muttered.
“We do have horrible mornings and days but at least we’re alive to tell the story. Many didn’t make it to a new day, be grateful you’re alive”, he said. I smiled.
“Thanks for sharing that”, I said.
“Pass it to the next person, hopefully they pass it to another. Then it becomes a never ending cycle. Just to remind people they’re alive, life is precious and we take it for granted”, he said. He reminded me so much of my grandmother.
“Wow. Thank you”, I smiled.
“That’s what I wanted to see. You’re welcome”, he said.

We finally got to the club, he gave me a card and said Walter said I should call whenever I wanted to be picked up. I checked the time, we arrived a minute before 7am. Just on time. The girls were dressed very professional, I was surprised, they took it serious. I know everyone is probably hoping to be admin.

We waited for 7:30am, I listened to the girls go on about what they did the previous night and the interview. Then out of the blue, 6 guys appeared. They said they were there for the interview, we were all surprised. Hakeem was really taking this changing-things-around-here seriously. We didn’t have any male workers, I guess it was good for the business. We were a total of 12 girls.

It was finally time for the interviews, Hakeem called one girl that was close to his office. The girls changed their sitting arrangements, some weren’t ready to be interviewed. I just sat in my seat, I was sitting next to Vanessa, she wasn’t herself, I was worried.

“You know, what Madala said in the car – “, Vanessa interrupted me.
“I’m not interested. And life isn’t that simple”, she said.
“You’ve been acting weird since last night. Does this have anything to do with Mr Sithole?” I asked.
“No”, she muttered. She looked around then came closer and whispered, “Richard said the body is in the boat”
“What? I thought he got rid of it”, I whispered.
“Apparently the guy he paid to get rid of the body has been blackmailing him. He’s coming back to ‘deal’ with the man”, she said.
“I don’t like this one bit”, I said.
“He wants us to get to know the guy, he says it’s the only way we can get to the body. I also don’t like this”, she said.
“Where does this guy live?” I asked.
“Around Jozi. He gave me his address. This is stressing me but if we have to do this to clean our tracks, why not? We just have to be, you know, strong and here for one another”, she said.
“Yes”, I held her hand, she smiled.

I took a deep breathe, I needed to be strong not only for myself but Vanessa as well. I waited for my turn anxiously.

#35 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

When we got to the club, Hakeem told us that he wants us to be at work tomorrow at 7:30am, if we valued our work, we should be there at that time. He looked so serious, I was happy that he wasn’t going to be in the club, at last Vixen won’t be his clutch bag. She can finally dance with us!

I didn’t want to drink that much because tomorrow was an important day at work, Hakeem was going to interview us. Vanessa got us shots, we don’t spend our own money in the club. Vanessa always says girls make the clubs, men go to the club to see us and try outdo one another by spending as much as they can on us also trying to gain a reputation. Mr Sithole entered the club with two other guys I haven’t seen before and the girl I saw at the party.

“This man has got the nerve”, Vanessa gulped her drink. Mr Sithole just walked past us like he doesn’t know us with his skinny ‘friend’.
“This man is messing with the wrong girl. Yoliswa, I need to speak to you privately”, Vanessa stood up, I followed her. We got out via the back door.

“Did you see how he walked past us like he’s never seen us before?” She asked furiously.
“I saw him”, I said.
“He doesn’t know me”, she paced up and down.
“You know what I think you should do? I think you should just leave him alone, he doesn’t deserve you”, I said.
“That’s your advice? Wow. That’s the most stupid thing I’ve heard today after Hakeem’s rules, of course”, she said.
“You can’t make him want you if he doesn’t. He walked in with the same girl he took to the charity event, don’t you think if he wanted you, you would be the girl he took to the event and upstairs?” At this point I was irritated.
“So that’s the bitch he took to the charity event? I’m gonna go upstairs and see what she’s about”
“Are you sure you want to go through all that trouble for a man who walked past you like you’re invisible?”
“Don’t make it sound like that, please. I know what I’m doing”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt because he really doesn’t care”
“I’ve never fucked a guy who wants nothing to do with me, correction”
“What? When?”
“When I went to that ‘business meeting’, he enjoyed it. He told me nobody does it like me”
“Wow. That was fast”
“I don’t waste time and I’m going upstairs right now, there’s nothing you can say that will change my mind. You can go back to the girls, listen to Vixen talk about Hakeem, Sihle talking about feminism and Puleng whining about how her tummy is”

Vanessa left me there, I just stood there confused. I just shook my head and went inside. This night was different from other nights, it wasn’t as crazy, it was more laid back. Sihle wanted to talk to me in private.

“You know, I’m not a judgemental person but I have to say, I’m surprised how you handled the situation with this old guy. I can’t believe you let me give you advice like you were gonna use it. You wasted my time, I won’t lie. I’m not buying the he’s-a-nice-guy, you’re not with him because of that. You know he’s rich, you’re after his money. I’m disappointed in you”, she ranted. She was a bit tipsy.
“This is funny because back in the apartment, you were cheering me on, now you have alcohol in your system, you’re calling me out. Seriously? His name is Walter not old guy. Yeah, he has money but I’m not after it. He actually motivates me to work even harder. He’s a gentle guy, you don’t know him”, I said.
“Neither do you. It hasn’t even been a week and you think you know him like the back of your palm? You don’t know how he acts when he’s mad, you don’t know if he’s married or there are a lot of yous out there or if he has kids. You don’t know him that well”, she said.

“Are you jealous of me? Because it seems like you are”
“Yoliswa why would I be jealous of you?”
“Because no one spends thousands on you”
“This is ridiculous! I don’t envy you, it’s not even your money”
“You should drop this holy attitude of yours!”
“This is who I am!”
“This is who I am too. You’re saying you’re not a judgemental person but judge people every chance you get. I don’t even wanna carry on now”

I angrily walked away. I wanted to leave the club.

I went to get Vanessa upstairs, she was taking too long now. When I went upstairs, I was told Vanessa left a long time ago. I tried calling her, the call went straight to voicemail. I texted her. The girls left the club, I told them to leave me behind. I was starting to get worried. I asked a few employees if they saw her around, I used the info to trace her. One scared me when he said she left with a white man. I went to check the rooms. I still didn’t find her. Defeated, I walked outside.

I saw a girl that looked like Vanessa in Hakeem’s car, I only saw the side of her face. I hid, Hakeem kissed this girl, she got out and it wasn’t Vanessa. I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder and I jumped, it was Vanessa.

“Who are you hiding from?” She asked.
“No one. I was looking all over for you. I called and texted you”, I said.
“My battery died. The girls left?” She asked.
“Yeah. Tonight wasn’t a good night. My day went from good to horrible. Me and Sihle had an argument. I’m moving out again”
“Why did you move in again in the first place? Puleng is a sweetheart, she’ll move in with Sihle”
“People who use alcohol to build their courage to talk to someone are cowards. Sihle is a coward”
“Let’s go home, my friend”
“Where were you?”
“Outside”
“What happened upstairs?”
“Nothing you should worry yourself about. I’m tired and I wanna pass out in my bed”

A cab took us home.

The girls were already asleep, Puleng opened for us. We went to sleep, tomorrow was going to be a big day at work. I’m anxious but confident about the interview.

#34 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

Thando and Nosipho entered the house, I was sitting alone. They walked towards me, I wasn’t in the mood for Nosipho.
“Hey Yoliswa”, Thando greeted me with a smile. Nosipho just looked at me with a cold gaze.
“Hey Thando”, I smiled.
“You’re looking beautiful”, he said.
“Thank you, you’re looking handsome”, I said.
“I try. You know I didn’t know you knew my partner”, he said.
“I do, it’s recent actually”, I said.
“Where did you guys meet? I wouldn’t be surprised if you said the club”, said Nosipho.
“Where else would I possibly meet him? Definitely not in a dumpster posing as a restaurant”, I said sarcastically.
“You’re probably his date because his girlfriend couldn’t make it. She’s an accountant, she’s a busy woman anyway”, said Nosipho.
“Okay girls, stop it”, Thando tried to stop us but Nosipho was still going on.
“Tell your stupid friend, Vanessa to not mess with me again or else I will show her the sky”, Nosipho’s eyes were filled with grim. “You too”, she said with an icey gaze. I just looked at her and said nothing, she left.
“I thought you were much better than this. I guess you’re just like girls out there, into money that you would date a man who’s one foot into the grave”, said Thando.
“Your cousin was one of those girls”, I said.
“There’s a huge difference between was and is”, he walked away.

I’m sure they planned it but I wasn’t bothered, I just came to have a good time. The charity event finally started, there were seating arrangements. Thando and Nosipho were on the table I was on, I felt like vomiting. Walter made a speech, photographers took pictures, journalists took notes and recorded audio. There was a small camera crew, they were taping. I was surprised how massive it turned out.

Hours later, we were served food. That was after items were sold and the money donated to charity. The total donation was R1.2m, Walter announced he will add a quarter of a million, everyone gave him a standing ovation. Everything felt feigned, he was generous and his friends and people who donated are generous but the lengths he went through are questionable. It all screams ‘look at me’, maybe it’s a tactic to win the community’s hearts.

Walter kissed me on the cheek, there were just too many flashes. I was overwhelmed, Vanessa is suitable for these sort of things, not me. I was interviewed by multiple journalists. Most were curious with what’s going on between me and Walter, it was awkward. I was relieved that the interviews were over. Metaphor served me food, I was surprised to see him there, last time I checked, he was working in the book shop. I know we have not been talking to each other but that moment, I broke my silence.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered.
“Are you talking to me?” He asked.
“Duh!” I rolled my eyes.
“Your boyfriend, or whatever he is to you, gave me an opportunity to make a few rands for the night. I will answer to him, do everything to make him happy, even if it is to be your slave for tonight. Now don’t think because you spoke to me, I should do the same. Just because you’re on speaking terms with me, doesn’t mean I should be. That’s one thing, I don’t owe you. That’s the only power I have in this uniform tonight”, Metaphor put the plate in front of me and left.

Walter whispered that I follow him to his bedroom, he has a surprise for me. I did as he instructed. We went to his bedroom. It was huge, it looked like my apartment with the girls.

“Make yourself comfortable”, he said. I sat on his bed, he opened his wardrobe. He took out a box, it was a present – because it was wrapped. I thought, he did so much for me, what would this possibly be?

“This is for you”, he handed me the box and sat next to me. I opened the box, he watched me. When I opened the present, I saw lingerie.

“This is beautiful”, I hugged him.
“It’s not just any lingerie, it’s Agent Provocateur”, he said. It was my first time hearing of that brand, it sounded really expensive. “Maybe tonight you can try it on when everyone leaves”, he came closer.
“I’m not too sure about that”, I said.
“You’re shy?” He asked.

“Uhm … Yes”, I lied.
“Don’t be”, he caressed my thigh.
“What about your girlfriend who’s an accountant?” I asked.
“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s my half-sister. Who told you she was my girlfriend?” He asked.
“Thando”, I looked down.
“He’s stupid. He knows Anele is my half-sister. Look at me, what’s wrong?” He asked.
“Mentioning Thando’s name makes me remember what happened before the event started”, I said.
“What happened?” Walter was concerned.
“Thando and his cousin were ganging up on me. He watched his cousin degrade me and threaten me”, I cried. Walter consoled me. He said I should stay in the bedroom. He rushed out. I sat alone, laughing to myself. I walked to the mirror and admired myself, how much of a great, convincing actress I am.

Walter came back, I acted sad.
“I dealt with it”, he hugged me.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“I confronted them, his cousin showed no remorse, so I had her thrown out, Thando then followed her”, he said. Inside I was saying, checkmate.
“Maybe you can try this on for me next time”, he smiled. He rubbed my thigh, “I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable when I do this, I’m a very touchy person but only to people I like – a lot”, he said. I just found him so attractive. What he did for me, melted my heart. I leaned over and gave him a kiss. His lips were so soft.

“Be mine”, he whispered.
“Yes”, I whispered.

We kissed again, it felt so good. We eventually left the bedroom. The charity event was a success, the journalists said we must get a copy of their newspapers the next day. Walter drove me home and watched me get inside. The girls wanted to know what happened, I told them everything. They playfully mocked me and called me Mrs Mbatha. I got some private time with Vanessa.

“Congratulations, friend”, she said.
“Thank you”, I smiled.
“You’re even glowing. Tell me, was Mr S there?” She asked. There was no use in my lying to her, she was gonna hear the truth eventually.
“Yeah, he was there with some skinny bitch. I wanted to give her my plate”, I said.
“Did he introduce her to you?” She asked.
“Yeah”
“What did he introduce her as?”
“A friend”
“I don’t buy it. She’s probably one of his girlfriends”
“You’re more pretty than her anyway”
“I don’t know her but she doesn’t pose a threat to me”
“She was so skinny, my friend”
“If I see her, I’m going to invite her out for lunch”
“She needs it”
“But Nosipho’s got the nerve! When you were telling us what she said, I just wanted to strangle her. I wish I was there to wave her goodbye when they threw her out”

We got ready to hit the club, it was going to be a buck wild night, just like every other night we are out.

#33 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

A few minutes later, Vanessa and Vixen got out of the room. Vanessa went to sit next to me.
“You’re such a party pooper”, she said.
“I’d rather be a party pooper than not being able to walk straight the entire day”, I said.
“Look how I’m walking”, Vanessa catwalked across the room. “See? I’m walked straight. But I still love you because you’re my best friend”, she hugged me.

In the afternoon a man wearing a tuxedo and white formal gloves entered the club.  He was an old man, he said he was looking for me. It dawned on me, he’s Mr Mbatha’s driver – his chauffeur. I left the club, the girls watched me. Outside, a black limousine was parked. I’ve never been on a limousine. It brought back childhood memories, when I dreamt of this day, finally. I was so excited. The old man opened the door for me, he said they called him Madala. No surprise there. There was an ice bucket and champagne, he said I can help myself. I only poured myself a little. He didn’t speak much, he drove me to the shop.

When I got to the boutique, the people working there were so friendly. I felt like I was the first lady. I fitted the dresses, it felt like I was playing dress up, something I dreamt of as a child. I was so happy. It felt like I wore every dress there, finally, I found the dress for me. It hugged every curve on my body, it was made for me. The whole boutique stopped and adored me.

I admired myself in the mirror, soon, the room was filled with familiar faces. I saw my friends from back home, my family, my roommates, Metaphor, Hakeem, Nosipho, Thando and Richard. They were seated, I noticed a red carpet, I walked on it, Mr Mbatha was waiting for me in a tuxedo. The distance between me and him became longer, I couldn’t reach him. I finally gave. I saw him kissing Vanessa on the cheeks, I was shocked.

“You look beautiful”, the employee said. I snapped out of the daydream.
“Thank you, I love it”, I smiled.

I got everything I needed, I asked Madala to drive me home instead of the club. I called Vanessa and told her to stick up for me when Hakeem notices I’m not there.

Sihle was home, luckily she helped me with my hair while I told her about my ride to the boutique.

“So what’s happening between you and this Mr? I never imagined you to be one of those girls”, she said.
“One of those girls?” I asked.
“Yeah, like, those girls who like sugar daddies. I don’t blame you though, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do”
“I’m not those girls, Sihle”
“Then why would a grown man spend so much on a beautiful girl without wanting anything in return?”
“I’m not dating him. If he wants something in return, that’s him. I’m not planning to sleep with him”
“I’m just saying, no grown man spends so much on a beautiful girl without wanting anything in return. If you don’t give him what he wants, he’ll toss you away like a bag of trash”
“What are you saying? I should give him what he wants?”
“Do you want to give him what he wants?”
“No”
“Then don’t. Stop leading him on. In his head, he thinks he’s got you because you’re accepting his gifts”
“I do like his gifts. He treats me like a princess but I don’t want to sleep with him or be with him”
“If you don’t want him to start treating you like his property, stop this while it’s still early. You don’t want him thinking he owns you just because he spends money on you”

This is why I love Sihle, she says it like it is. She never hypes me up. I always seek her advice. She finished doing my hair, my hair looked great. I did my make-up, I took long because I wanted it to be perfect. A few hours later, I was all dressed up. All the girls were there, Vanessa, Puleng and Vixen were back from work. I got a call from Mr Mbatha aka Walter, he said his driver was driving him to my apartment. I was really nervous because I don’t know if he was going to like my outfit, he spent thousands on me.

“You look like you got out of those stylish magazines, you look beautiful”, said Vanessa. Her approval made me even more confident.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do”, said Sihle.

“Don’t drink too much”, said Puleng. The girls were giving me all the advice I needed and didn’t need.
“Thank you girls for your wise words”, I said. “I got this”, I said confidently.

There was a knock on the door, maybe that’s him, I thought. Sihle answered the door, there he was looking good in his suit. He had a new haircut, he looked 10 years younger. I didn’t notice he had a dimple on his left cheek. He had a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
“You look so beautiful”, he said eyeing me up and down. “Wow. You’re looking good. Wow”, he was speechless. He gave me the flowers. I handed them to Puleng to put them in a vase. He led me by hand to the limousine and opened the door for me. The girls watched me, it was like I was going to a matrix ball. The driver played a slow jam. Walter poured me a glass of champagne.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate with you looking like this”, he said.
“You’re also looking good”, I said.
“Thank you. Everyone will be looking at you. Every girl in there will envy you. I don’t blame them. If I was a girl and I saw you, I’d turn lesbian”, he said. He rubbed my thigh. “I can’t even get my hands off you”, he whispered. I was uncomfortable.

After a fe minutes we arrived. His house looked like a castle.
“Wow. Your house is so beautiful, it looks like a castle”, my jaw was on the floor.
“Fit for a king, now I’m looking for my queen”, he winked at me.

When we entered the house, there was press and a few guests, other people were on their way. There were waiters and waitresses, they were serving people. Mr Sithole walked in with a beautiful girl, she was tall, she looked like a model. She was his date for the night. What about Vanessa?

“Hello Yoliswa. You’re looking good”, he said.
“Thanks”, I faked a smile.
“Yoliswa this is my friend, JoAnn, she’s a retired model and entrepreneur”, he introduced me to this girl. I extended my hand for a handshake.

If this is how people will introduce their partners, I wonder what Walter will introduce me as. I just work in the club, I don’t even have a title. I don’t have any money, the biggest thing I’ve done in my life is gaining the courage to look for my mom in another city. That’s definitely not something to brag about.

#32 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

I felt someone waking me up, I was on the couch. I don’t remember arriving at the apartment. Vanessa was already dressed. She gave me a glass of water.

“You must get ready for work”, she said. I was so lost, the rest of the girls weren’t there.
“Where’s everyone?” I asked.
“It’s Monday. Sihle is at school, Puleng and Vixen are at work”, she said. I watched Vanessa moving up and down the apartment, what happened last night was replaying in my mind. I tried to put the pieces together but I couldn’t.

“What happened last night?” I asked her.
“We had an amazing night. It was crazy!” She said enthusiastically.
“How crazy?” I wanted her to tell me everything that happened.
“Very”, she smiled.

I went to take a shower. I tried to remember everything but I couldn’t. I quickly went to look myself in the bathroom mirror. I remembered the love bite I had on my neck, but it wasn’t there. Maybe I was imagining things. Something happened between me and Vanessa, how can she act like nothing happened? Or she was drunk? But her memory is great and I was more drunk than her. I continued taking a shower.

After the shower I got dressed. When I was done, we left the apartment. Vanessa drove to work.

“You’re very quiet. You’ve been quite distant, what’s wrong?” She asked.
“I just want you to be straight up with me”, I said.
“Okay? I’ve been straight up with you, what’s up?” She raised her eyebrow.
“What really happened last night?”
“I think I told you, we had a crazy night”
“Give me details”
“We drank, danced, sang, stopped at the boys’ apartment and went home”
“What happened when we were at the boys’ apartment?”
“We played the 30 seconds game but the drunk edition. It was so fun!”

“And then what happened?”

“Tebogo dared you to kiss Ishmael. You were on fire last night!”

“And then what happened? Who did I kiss next?”

“Nobody. You’re asking me a million questions, is everything okay?”

“Please, be straight up with me”

“Excuse me? Have I not been straight up with you? Where is this coming from? If you hanged out with Nosipho last night, I would have been sure she said something to you but you didn’t”

“There are things that happened last night that you’re not telling me”

“If you know so much then what’s the point of me even telling you?”

“So you agree you’re not telling me everything?”

“You’re putting words in my mouth. I told you everything you needed to know. You don’t expect me to tell you our journey to the club too”

“I remember that. It’s after we left the club that’s a blur. But something happened between us. We can’t act like nothing happened”

“It’s nothing though”

“Nothing? Are you kidding me?”

“You’re back to your old self now, how wonderful – not”

“What happened last night shouldn’t have happened”

“It was a mistake -”

“It’s the second time now! You denied it the first time”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know”

“Yoliswa, my friend, I was talking about my bottle of wine you knocked off by mistake”

“Oh”

“What were you talking about?”

“It’s nothing”‬

‪I was embarrassed. The drive to the club was awkward, I was not feeling like myself. I don’t know what was happening, if I was imagining things, why was Vanessa in the mix? Why not anyone other than her?‬

‪We got to the club, Hakeem took over Rashidi’s position as the manager so he called a meeting. I wasn’t even in the mood for a meeting or hear him talk. He said we didn’t respect the rules of the club like there were rules in the first place. He passed around a paper with rules written down. He said if we didn’t abide by the rules, we were going to get a strike. If we had three strikes then we would get fired. He said he’s open to suggestions for themed parties.‬

‪”Anyone with a suggestion?” He asked. There was silence for a few seconds until a girl with purple hair, her name was Dolly, raised her hand.

“We should have pyjama parties, that would be insane”, she said. Everyone bust out laughing.

“Did she tell a joke?” Hakeem was so serious.

“Come on Hakeem, we know you want to laugh. We would host pyjama parties if we were a group of twelve year olds”, said Vanessa.

“Do you have a better suggestion?” Asked Hakeem.

“Yes. We can host foam parties”, she said. Everyone mumbled in agreement.

“Not bad”, Hakeem nodded his head. Vanessa slowly walked towards Hakeem, she fixed his tie and said, “You might have created silly rules but at least you have more structure than Rashidi. We’re going to rake in a lot of money.” I looked at Vixen, trying to catch her reaction. She didn’t seem happy, I smiled to myself.‬

‪”Thank you Vanessa, now go back to your seat”, Hakeem pointed to her seat. He acted so serious. I couldn’t believe how someone can share a table with us, drink with us then act all mighty. I know he’s the manager and holds authority over us but he needs to stop acting like this intimidating guy, clearly he’s not.

“Any other suggestions? If not, then on to the next thing. There will be different roles in the club. There will be the maintenance team, the admins and the bartenders”, he said. We were baffled, we looked at each other in confusion.

“What will the admins do?” Asked Vanessa. She was the only one who had the balls to question authority.

“Think what do admins who work in the office do then think club”, he said.

“We’re going to answer the telephone?” Vanessa laughed. Everyone laughed.

“Admins will get to be in control of the poster design for our themed parties”, he said. Everyone’s face started to change, who wouldn’t want to be an admin?

“I will interview you girls tomorrow so I can decide what team you belong to. This meeting is dismissed”, he left.‬

‪The girls were excited all of a sudden. Vanessa was so sure she was going to be an admin.‬

‪I won’t lie, I also wanted to be an admin. A few minutes after the meeting ended, Vanessa and Vixen disappeared. No one knew where they went. I got a message from Vanessa saying I should come upstairs. I went upstairs and saw them drinking.‬

‪”Don’t be a wimp”, Vanessa handed me a bottle of Vodka.

“Come on. Lose yourself for a bit”, said Vixen.

I stared at the bottle.‬

‪”I have to be somewhere in the afternoon and I have to be sober”, I left the room.‬

#31 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

When we left La Concuna it was raining, we ran to the car. I was wearing a short sleeved top, I was cold, I even had chicken skin.‬

‪”We need to get you a coat, it’s really cold”, he said. I was shy to say no to him. I didn’t say anything. He drove to the mall, on the way he kept raving about this boutique he usually buy some of his clothes at.‬

‪When we got to the mall, he led me to Dennis, the name of the boutique. The employees displayed so much respect for him. They quickly came to assist. So this is how to gain respect from employees as a customer, you have to be filthy rich. One lady took me to where the coats were.‬

‪”As you can see, our beautiful coats. From Gucci to Burberry to Armani to Dior to Dolce & Gabbana”, the lady said.

“They’re beautiful”, I said.

“And expensive”, she smiled.

“I just wanted plain and simple and not expensive”, I said.

“I’m sure Mr Mbatha won’t mind. He’s rich”, she said. “I’ve always wondered what it felt like dating a man who can afford everything. They say money can’t buy happiness but I’d be happy if I landed on this section once in a while. He’s come with a variety of girls but you’re not like them. You’re pretty chilled and like, you’re not bitchy”, she added.

“We’re not together”, I quickly defended myself.

“Oh? I’m so sorry, is he your father?” She asked.

“No”, I looked at the coats.

“So what is he to you then?” She asked. She was so curious and very unprofessional.

“I didn’t come here to discuss what relationship I have with Mr Mbatha. Are you going to assist or should I ask someone else to assist me?” At this point, I was feeling sassy.‬

‪She didn’t say anything, she helped me look for a coat. I finally found a coat, it was a black Dior leather coat. Mr Mbatha loved it, he paid for it and we left. On our way out, Thando and Nosipho were entering. Mr Mbatha joked how it was a coincident, I greeted Nosipho but she was so cold. We left, finally.‬

‪I wore my coat. We were parked in the parking lot.‬

‪”You look beautiful”, he gave me a compliment. He said that like a thousand times already. I smiled and accepted the compliment. He slowly moved his hand from the gear to my thigh. I thought maybe he did it by mistake, he looked me in my eyes and smiled. I awkwardly smiled back.‬

‪”I’m hosting a charity function at my place tomorrow night. I’d love to have you by my side as my date”, he said.

“I’d love to be your date”, I couldn’t say no because he did so much for me. Giving me R10 000, taking me to a fancy restaurant and buying me an expensive coat.

He brushed my thigh, “I love your skin”, he said. He started driving. “Tomorrow my driver will fetch you from work so you can buy an outfit for tomorrow’s charity function. I will call a friend of mine who owns this boutique, so I can tell him you’re coming by”, he said. I was blown away, I’m used to people like him on TV.‬

‪He dropped me at the apartment, I thanked him. He asked for my phone number, I gave it to him. It was late when I got home. Everyone was home. The girls were curious to know what I got up to. I told them everything. In the evening, we started preparing to hit the club.‬

‪Me and Vanessa were getting ready in her bedroom.

“So there’s a charity function happening tomorrow and Mr S didn’t even tell me”, she said.

“Maybe he forgot”, I said.

“He’s not that old”, she said. We paused and laughed.

“Are you meeting him tonight?” I asked.

“I don’t know. He didn’t mention anything about the club. Did Mr M mention anything about the club?” She asked.

“Not at all”, I replied. I could see Vanessa was a bit disappointed. “What meeting were you on?” I asked.

“Business”, she replied. She didn’t say much.‬

‪When it was 10PM  we left the apartment. A Quantum took us to the club. We sang along to songs playing in the radio, it was so fun but we haven’t had anything to drink yet.‬

‪When we got to the club, as usual, Vixen went to Hakeem. She acts like a clingy girlfriend, it’s annoying.‬

‪We all took shots except for Vixen who was busy with Hakeem.

“Vixen is annoying now. We get it, you’re dating Hakeem”, I said annoyingly.‬

‪”She’s in love”, said Sihle.

“That’s obsession not love”, I said.

“Are you the master of love now?” Sihle asked sarcastically.

“Why are we even talking about Vixen? Let’s get drunk”, Vanessa poured shots.‬

‪We took shots after shots. I was really drunk, I couldn’t stand still. While we were dancing, Vanessa told me she saw Mr Sithole. She wanted me to accompany her upstairs, I was so drunk, I didn’t want to face him and his friends like this.‬

‪”My friend I’m wasted. I don’t want them to see me like this”, I said.

“Fine. I’ll go by myself”, she went upstairs. She was not drunk at all, that surprised me because she took shots with us and more even.‬

‪Vanessa came back a few minutes later, she looked angry.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I swear I saw him. Now that pathetic thing said he wasn’t there but you know what’s funny? He didn’t want to open the bloody door. He’s in there, I know it. He must be there with some girl. If he wants to play, then he met someone who’s used to this game. I edited the settings of this game. He will know me”,  Vanessa was boiling. I wanted to lighten up the mood so I joked, “Maybe you’re just tipsy”, I smiled. She looked at me, shook her head and cracked a little smile.

“Let’s have fun. I don’t want you to be like this the whole night. Lighten up”, I hugged her.

She laughed and said, “You’re starting to sound like me now”.‬

‪We danced the night away. A few hours later, Vanessa’s friends, Ishmael and Tebogo were there. Vanessa came with a tray, he handed me a glass.

“What’s this?” I asked. It was a pink drink.

“This my friend is what I call a good time”, she drank her glass.

“I’m so drunk, I hope I don’t vomit tomorrow morning or tonight”, I drank this pink drink.‬

‪After a few minutes, I felt dizzy. The room was moving. Vanessa held my hand and drag me to the dance floor. I didn’t feel drunk, I felt light. It was kind of a nice feeling. We left the club. I felt so sleepy, I don’t remember our ride but I remember bits. Like waking up with Tebogo closing the door of the bedroom me and Vanessa were in. We were left alone.‬

‪I closed my eyes, when I opened them again, we were kissing passionately. She sucked my neck and planted kisses on my face. When I looked in the mirror, I had a love bite on my neck. I closed my eyes, when I opened them, she was on top of me. Her face changed to Jabu’s face. I screamed.‬

‪It was a blur after that.

#30 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

Vanessa was dancing on the table, the TJ guy was sitting across her cheering her on. I went over and got her off the table.

“You’re acting like Vixen!” I yelled.
“What the fuck? Why do you have to always suck the fun out of everything?” TJ asked furiously.
“You better shut up”, I said to him.
“Or what? What are you gonna do? You think you’re better with your mightier than thou attitude?” He was all up in my face. I shove him.
“Chill out, bro”, Vanessa dragged him by his hand.
“I’m chilled it’s just that I hate when a bitch thinks she’s all that when she’s not”, he said. Vanessa slapped him on the mouth.
“Are you serious? Fuck you, bruh”, TJ walked away. People were looking at us.
“You’re a bad influence”, I said to him. He stopped, and walked back to us.
“Really? What has Vanessa haven’t done? Fuck off”, he said.
“Friend, leave him alone”, Vanessa said to me. “Please go”, she said to TJ.
“I was leaving anyway”, he left.

After a while, Vanessa called her Italian friend, Frankie to come fetch us. He came instantly. He drove us home. When we got home, Sihle told me that Vixen vomited on my bed and she was sleeping there. It was so gross. Vanessa said it was okay, I can sleep with her. I was so tired, I slept instantly.

In the morning I woke up with a horrible hangover. When I went to the kitchen, Hakeem was eating bacon and eggs. Vixen was busy in the kitchen with an oversized shirt. I didn’t greet Hakeem, I only greeted Vixen.

“Hey Vixen”, I poured a glass of water.
“Hello friend. I’m sorry about your bed. I washed your linen as soon as I woke up”, she said.
“It’s okay. Thank you. Where are the others?” It was so quiet.
“Vanessa went to a ‘meeting’, Sihle went to meet her mother and sister and Puleng went to a blind date”, she replied.
“Okay. I wonder what meeting Vanessa went to. It seems like everyone got plans”, I said downing the water.
“I’m going to spend the day at Hakeem’s house”, she said.
“Now that I think about it, I have to go to the mall to do something”, I said.
“That’s better”, she said. I went to Vanessa’s bedroom to get my phone.

I called my cousin, Asisipho. I was happy to hear her voice. I told her I was going to send them R3000. She was happy to hear that, I even spoke to my grandmother. She sounded fine, I was happy that she was okay. They didn’t ask me about my mother, I was lowkey glad.

After Vixen and Hakeem left, I took a bath and got ready. Before leaving the house, I sent a message to the girls, telling them where the key was hidden just in case they arrive before me.

It wasn’t that packed at the mall. I went to send the money via Shoprite Money Market. I sent Asisipho the numbers and called her and gave her the pin code.

I heard someone calling me at the parking lot, I looked around and it was Mr Mbatha. He got out of his black Bugatti.

“Hello there, nice to meet you again”, he said. He was wearing an expensive looking suit. He looked like he was going to attend an awards ceremony.
“Hi, nice to meet you too”, I said nervously.
“Are you in a rush?” He asked. I wanted to say yes but I thought, I was going to get home and nobody would be back yet. I’d spend the day alone and get bored to death.
“No, I’m not”, I replied.
“I want us to grab something to eat and talk, you know”, he said.
“I’d love that”, I said. He opened his car door. “Please wait for me here. I need to be somewhere, it won’t take long”, he said. I got into the car.

It looked like I was in a spaceship. The interior looked out of this world. I watched him disappear then I took multiple selfies. I waited for a long time, he said he wasn’t going to take long but it was an hour or so. He finally came back.

“I’m sorry, I know I said I wasn’t going to take long but I also didn’t know it was going to take that long”, he said.
“It’s okay”, I said.
“Thank you for being so understanding”, he smiled.

Moments later, his phone rang, he answered it. I saw his facial expression changing, he dropped the phone.
“Satan doesn’t rest. That was my partner, he wants to see me, he says it will be brief. We’re meeting at Martin’s. I’m so sorry, we will still go out. Let me drive there then we can go to a fancy restaurant”, he said. I nodded, I didn’t have much to say.

He told me about his new restaurant in Pretoria he opened with his partner friend. I was shy to ask if he had any kids. We arrived at Martin’s. People were looking at the car, he got out, I waited for him in the car. Just minutes after he got into Martin’s, I saw Nosipho entering Martin’s, I made sure she didn’t see me. She got out with Thando, they spoke for a while before parting ways.

After 30 minutes, Mr Mbatha got out. He entered the car.

“Are you okay?” He asked.
“Yes”, I smiled.

There was a knock on the window.

“You forgot your pen”, this voice said. It sounded familiar, when I looked, it was Thando.

“Hey Yoliswa”, he greeted me. I could see he wasn’t expecting to see me there. I gave him the nod of acknowledgment.
“Thank you, man. We’ll talk later tonight”, Mr Mbatha drove away.
“You guys know each other?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’m friends with his cousin sister”, I said.
“Alright. We’re going to my other restaurant”, he said.

I thought, this man is filthy rich. I wasn’t familiar with the surroundings we were in but it was a wealthy neighbourhood. He parked at the parking lot, across a very fancy restaurant called La Concuna.

“This is it”, he said. He quickly got out of the car and opened the door for me.
“Thank you”, I got out. I felt like such a lady.

When we entered the restaurant, people showed him so much respect. It was like he was a president. A waiter led us to a table.

He was really great company, the food was amazing, it was so delicious. He told me his funny childhood stories and his come up stories in the business world. I had so much fun but I was still nervous. He told me I should call him Walter. We spent hours in the restaurant, I was having such a good time.

It didn’t feel like Sunday.

#29 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

In the evening, we got ready to hit the club. We all wore black. There was a great vibe, mostly because we all took shots. Minutes later, a Quantum taxi came to fetch us. Vanessa knew the driver, she knows everyone.

Vixen seemed to be the only one tipsy, she kept telling us how much of a good boyfriend Hakeem was and how good in bed he was.

“He takes me to Heaven every time we have sex”, she bragged.
“Too much info”, said Sihle.
“Everyone here knows sex. Everyone here has had sex before. Even you, miss innocence”, Vixen said to Sihle. “I can’t wait to dance with my bae”, she said excitedly. Vanessa looked at me and shook her head, I smiled.

We got to the club. I was in a good mood, I couldn’t wait to dance, drink, flirt and just live my life.

Vixen ran into Hakeem’s arms, she was very energetic, I’ve never seen her behave like that.

“I swear, she didn’t take the same shots as us”, I told Vanessa.
“Her true colours are showing”, said Vanessa.
“Look how embarrassed Hakeem is, poor guy”, I said.
“By the end of the night, you’ll be comforting him. I have a feeling”, she said. I just smiled and shook my head.

We were sitting at the same table as Hakeem and his friends. The alcohol was flooding. Vanessa disappeared for a while and came back with a card.

“Look what I got”, she dangled the card in my face.
“What’s this?” I snatched it. “S&M Holdings. Mr T. Sithole, what the hell?” I read the card.
“Well, it’s a business card. Mr Sithole and his friends want to see us, like, now”, she said.
“Who are these guys?” I was confused.
“Filthy rich guys. They haves shares at mines, business men, they are billionaires my friend”
“Whoa. They’re probably old”
“So what? Let’s just go upstairs and say hi to them”
“Are they fat?”
“They’re toned”
“We’re just gonna say hi?”
“Yes, then we’ll dance the night away”

I followed Vanessa upstairs. I was nervous, I didn’t want to stay for a long time. When we got there, they were laughing loudly. They were only four.

“You’re back”, the one smiled. He was light skinned, had dimples and really white teeth. “This is my friend Yoliswa”, Vanessa introduced me to them.

Mr Sithole was the light skinned one. There was Mr Mbatha who looked scary, he didn’t smile much. Mr Van Wyk, he looked like a coloured but he spoke IsiZulu. Mr Thabethe was short, he was the only one who was wearing a ring.

“Join us girls”, Mr Sithole signalled us to sit. I looked at Vanessa, it didn’t look like we were just going to say hi.
“Loosen up. What are the girls drinking?” Mr Thabethe asked us.
“I’m good”, I said.
“Are you sure?” Asked Mr Van Wyk.
“Yes”, I replied.
“Your friend is really smart. I like her mind, I mean, I love it”, Mr Sithole told me about Vanessa. I saw his hands creeping under the table, he grabbed her thigh. Vanessa smiled at him.

I stood up, “Vanessa let’s go”, I said.
“What’s wrong now?” Asked Mr Mbatha.
“I’m not feeling well”, I said. I lied.
“Here’s some water”, Mr Mbatha gave me a bottle of water.
“I don’t need water”, I said.
“This was my granny’s remedy for everything. If you had a headache, you drink water. If you had a stomach ache, drink water. Financial problems, drink water”, said Mr Mbatha. Everyone laughed. I couldn’t help myself, I laughed.
“And laughter is the best medicine, they say. How are you feeling right now?” He asked.
“A bit better”, I lied.
“Good”, he smiled. It was the first time seeing him smile.

They turned out to be really nice guys and funny too. After a few hours, they said they were leaving. I couldn’t believe how time flew. Mr Sithole gave me their business card. We told them we worked at the club, they didn’t even ask for our numbers. We all left the VVIP room upstairs, Mr Mbatha turned to me and said, “Here, tomorrow go see a doctor or something”, he gave me a stack of money. We were trailing behind, Vanessa didn’t see anything. I thanked him, I wanted to not accept the money but I did.

They left and we went back to our table. I told Vanessa that Mr Mbatha gave me a stack of money. We went to count it away from the crowd and it was R10 000. I paid Vanessa the money she borrowed me when I went home. I was so excited, I was even planning on sending some back home.

We took more shots and danced. Vixen was on the floor, Hakeem had baggage, I felt sorry for him. Sihle and Puleng later left with Vixen. I saw Hakeem going upstairs, a few minutes later, I followed him. He went to the storeroom, I opened the door.

“Hey!” He got a fright.
“I’m sorry, what were you doing?” I asked.
“Just checking some stuff, what are you doing here?” He asked.
“I work here”
“But you’re not on duty”
“I am now”
“You’re following me?”
“Why would I?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you like having me in sight?”
“Oh, please. You’re not that special”
“Really? I feel special because you give me more eye contact than any person in the building”
“More than your girl even?”
“Maybe it’s a tie”
“You played that well. You must be really exhausted from picking your girl from the floor”
“Why are you saying it like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like it’s some kind of a joke”
“But you were picking her from the floor”
“Wow. What a friend you are hey”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“The Yoliswa I know wouldn’t pass such a remark about her friend. Or hang out with sugar daddies”
“Whoa. Wait, sugar daddies?”
“Yes, sugar daddies. Blessers. How much did you girls get?”
“You’re disgusting. The Hakeem I know wouldn’t say this”
“What do you want from those people?”
“You don’t even know what happened! You just concluded. We were just chatting with them, they’re really nice decent people”
“Of course they’re going to be nice in order to win you girls over!”
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because I don’t want to see you hurt”
“Hurt by what? Talking to them?”
“It will escalate. You will get lured. Those people have everything you don’t have, they will provide them for you. Don’t get fooled by that, they will use you and when they’re done with you, they will get another beautiful girl. Those people don’t care”
“I guess that’s what we have in common, we don’t care. You should focus your care on your girl”

I left the storeroom. I felt nausea. The thought of him, I couldn’t say his name without pulling a face. Maybe I really needed this so I can get over him.

#28 Confessions Of A Xhosa Girl 2

I didn’t feel well in the morning, I didn’t even get a good night rest because we slept in the morning. It was raining outside. The dream I had was a reminder that I will never escape Jabu’s death. I was doing so well.

Vanessa was all dressed, “Do you wanna go out?” He asked.
“I’m not feeling good”, I said.
“Last night was a jump!” She seemed alright, no hangover.
“How come you’re all fresh like you didn’t sleep for a few hours?”
“Because I have a really good relationship with my body unlike some people”
“I’m really tired. I’m going to sleep the whole day”
“Hopefully recharging for tonight”
“Yeah. I had a dream -”
“About your family?”
“No, him”
“We’ve been through this”
“It felt like I was there. When he got shot, his blood all over my clothes, Richard saying he’s still alive, you not sure -”
“Let it go. It happened, just let it go”
“I’ve been doing exactly that but I dreamt about it”
“I can get you some pills”
“You think drugging myself to sleep will erase everything? It’s not the first time I dreamt about it, Vanessa. You act like I’m in control of what I dream about. Trust me, if I was, I would not dream about it”
“This is tiring. Because it passed, life carries on, no need to dwell on the past”
“A past that happens to haunts me. It’s easy for you to say because it doesn’t affect you. It doesn’t replay over and over in your mind”
“I love you but I’m done talking about this. Get some rest, I’m going out with Puleng. She’s the only one dressed”

I wasn’t surprised, Vanessa doesn’t care for anyone but herself. I spent the morning ranting to Sihle how selfish Vanessa is, she had a lot to contribute.

In the afternoon, me and Sihle went out for lunch. Sihle brought me to this new dining place called Martin’s.

I saw Metaphor but acted like I didn’t see him, he walked past us and didn’t say a word.

“I never realised how much I missed you before we got to Martin’s”, said Sihle.
“We live together, we share a bedroom and we go out together”, I said.
“I know but we’re always surrounded by people. We were closer when you first got to Johannesburg”, she said.
“You’re right”, it was so awkward.
“I hope we do this more often”, she said.
“Me too”, I said.
“When are you going to look for your mom?”
“Vanessa referred me to a PI”
“That’s much better”
“Yeah”
“What’s really going on between you and Nosipho’s cousin?”
“Thando?”
“Yes, him”
“We’re just friends, I guess”
“You guess?”
“Yeah. Like, I’m not really attracted to him”
“You’re just attracted to Hakeem?”
“You guys are going to get me into trouble”
“So I’m not the only one who notices?”
“Notices what? Hakeem has a girlfriend and she happens to be a friend of mine”
“That’s tricky. I know you two like each other but as much as I’d love to see two people who like each other together, he’s your friend’s man”
“Why are you saying that like I’m going to snatch him away from Vixen? Hakeem is just a friend who happens to be dating my other friend”

I was overwhelmed by guilt. All the times I’d catch Hakeem looking at me and exchange glances with him, I felt guilty. I enjoyed his attention. But he’s dating my friend, how can I be such a bad friend?

I enjoyed lunch at Martin’s but I couldn’t shake the guilt I felt. We took a cab home, Vanessa and Puleng were watching a movie. Vixen wasn’t home though. I dragged Vanessa to her bedroom.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.
“I’m a bad friend. How can I be a bad friend?” I threw myself on the bed.
“I’m lost. Why are you a bad friend again?” Vanessa sat next to me.
“Vixen is my friend, I can’t be enjoying her man’s attention”, I buried my face in my hands.
Vanessa laughed at me, “You’re so dramatic. You need to chill. Stop creating problems for yourself”
“How would you react if your friend loved your boyfriend’s attention?”
“I wouldn’t know”
“Just answer the question, Vee”
“I really wouldn’t know because I wouldn’t be aware. You need to understand, you wouldn’t be the only guilty party. The boyfriend would also be the bad guy”
“Men are known to be dogs, she’ll let him off the hook easily. I, in the other hand, will be a horrible friend and she will want nothing to do with me”
“Girls are known to not get along, your point?”
“Vanessa, you don’t understand”
“Is this how you’ve been living your life? Creating problems for yourself?”
“No, it’s just that -”
“Stop worrying. Chill. You’re not a bad friend, you’re a better person than I’d be in this situation. If you were a bad person, you wouldn’t care like you’re doing right now”
“Really?”
“Yes”
“I’m sorry about this morning, Vee”
“You were right”
“I was angry because I feel like most times you brush things off”
“That’s what I know, you get up and keep it moving”
“Not everyone is the same”
“I had a lot of scars growing up. I fell, got into fights, got beaten up. No one stood up for me, my parents always told me to get up, dust myself and keep it moving. I’ve cried till I couldn’t. Only the strong survive”
“You never speak about your family”
“I choose not to”
“Oh”
“I’m the person I am because of my experiences. I’ve taken the biggest punch from life but I dusted myself, got back on my feet and said, ‘You hit like a bitch’. This is nothing. I want you to be strong. I wish I had someone who told me these things growing up”
“Thanks. I appreciate it”
“For real. Don’t create problems for yourself”
“I’ll try”
“Not good enough”
“I will”
“I hope so”

Vanessa left, she touched my heart. I saw the sincerity in her eyes, that very moment, she won me over again as a friend. A best friend.